


Consequences We Live With

by like_my_mirror_years_ago36



Series: Surviving Destiny [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Arrow Family, Coping, F/M, Starling City, Team Arrow, The right amount of smut, badass Felicity, choices we make, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-02 18:37:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4070365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/like_my_mirror_years_ago36/pseuds/like_my_mirror_years_ago36
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After returning home from her hellish stay on Nanda Parbat, Felicity must cope with what happened on the island. She must face the reality of who she's become, and how her new self will fit into her old world.<br/>*Part Two of the Surviving Destiny Series*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Facing Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you in advanced for reading my PART TWO of the Surviving Destiny series. I hope it lives up to expectations, but if it doesn't, I'm sorry... I had so much fun writing the first part of this... I'm so stoked to write the second part...

The sunlight streaming in through the window woke me up gently. I stretched out like a cat under the most comfortable covers in the world. It took my brain a moment to realize where I was. My sheets weren't this luxurious. I inhaled and smelt the strong scent of Oliver. I sighed and cuddled in closer.  _His bed. His room._ It felt so right, being back here. The scent of bacon and coffee drifted it's way into the bedroom and I scrambled out of bed, practically falling on my face. I made my way into the kitchen and thought for a moment that my heart stopped when I saw shirtless Oliver with his back turned to me, cooking breakfast. 

I walked over and sat at his island. "Good morning," I said smiling. 

He turned around and his eyes landed on mine. They were a warm blue right now, the color they usually were when he was content. I would say happy, but I'm not quite sure if Oliver ever lets himself be happy. He had his tiny grin on his face and he looked well rested and healthy. I was glad that he was adjusting to being home so well. I guess I couldn't say I was surprised. He's so strong, mentally and physically. Everything he's been through had prepared him for this.  _Unlike me._ I forced the thought out of my head. 

He reached over and grabbed a cup of coffee, placing it down in front of me. I took a gulp of it without looking and quickly realized that he had already made it just the way I liked it. I looked up at him and smiled. The kind of smile where I could feel my eyes crinkling up and your heart feels whole. He turned again and placed a mound of bacon on a plate in front of me. 

"Yes!" I gasped, grabbing a piece. "There's nothing better than eating hot, greasy meat in the morning..." I stopped with the bacon halfway to my mouth and cringed. "This is why I don't speak before I have two cups of coffee." Oliver laughed, and shook his head. I bit into the bacon and changed my mind, "I regret nothing, I meant every word." He chuckled again. I stared at his shirtless back and shook my head. "Now I really know exactly how brave you are, cooking bacon without a shirt on." Again, another chuckle. "Are you going to say something, or am I just going to continue with my one-sided conversation? Because don't get me wrong, I'm totally capable, but it's not ideal." I raised my eyebrows at him. 

He walked around the island and wrapped his arms around me from behind, nuzzling his nose into my neck. I leaned back into him and he pressed his lips against my neck. "Good morning, Felicity." 

I shifted around so I was facing him and lightly grabbed his face in my hands. He smiled and his eyes crinkled. I rubbed my thumb across his cheek and he turned his head and kissed my hand. It was so gentle and so tender. It made me feel like I was almost who I was. He raised his hand up and gently  _bopped_ my nose with his finger. It pulled a giggle out of me and I was sure that this moment couldn't get any more perfect. 

"I made pancakes, too." 

_Welp, I was wrong..._

I swirled back around in my seat, giving him puppy dog eyes over my shoulder and bouncing up and down excitedly. He laughed, pressing his lips against my forehead and walked around, giving me a huge stack of pancakes. I immediately stuffed my face with them, sighing with content. Seven months without pancakes was seven months too damn long. Even if I was rounding up.... 

I watched Oliver make his own plate, taking one pancake and two pieces of bacon. "You know you're allowed to eat more, right?" I asked, comparing the amount on his plate to the amount on mine, but still feeling relatively no shame. 

He smiled and took a bite out of his pancake. "I don't usually eat breakfast, so this is actually a lot for me. What do you think about french toast for tomorrow?" 

My heart did a little dance in my chest. "You know, a girl could get used to treatment like this, Oliver Queen." 

He put his plate down and walked over to me, leaning over the island and kissing me softly. "That's the master plan." 

I smiled into his eyes and leaned in for another kiss. He brought his hand up and cupped my cheek. It send a fire straight down into my belly. We hadn't been together since the last time on the island. Well, I mean we'd been together, but not  _together_ together. I was just so insecure about everything. I felt like a different person. And I certainly looked like a different person. Not to mention that the last time they used the pit on me, it didn't get rid of my scars. Oliver said that it just barely brought me back. He said that they had to revive me two times when we got back to the foundry. He got distant and empty when he told me about it, so I haven't pushed it further. 

Oliver broke the kiss without warning and I looked up at him, sending protest through my eyes. "Felicity, I can almost feel you thinking," he said with a smile on his face, resting his forehead against mine. "Which I love, don't get me wrong. I just feel like I'm pushing you, and I don't want to do that." 

I shook my head and looked down, feeling guilty for making him feel that way. "You aren't, I'm sorry. I feel bad. I love you, I do, it's just so much that I'm trying to process-" He stopped me by catching my chin between his thumb and pinter finger and lifting my head to look at him. 

"Hey. Listen to me. You're here. You're alive. You're safe. I get to watch you eat an unGodly amount of pancakes and hear your babbling-" I hit him gently and he laughed, "I do! Remember that night where you came into my room? When you were still Azrael? When I said I regretted every time I interrupted you? I meant that. Felicity, I know you feel like a different person. And you probably are. But you're not completely gone. You're still the Felicity that I fell in love with. And everything you went through, didn't make me love you any less. I don't think you could do anything to make me love you any less." 

I scanned his eyes, trying to put together words to respond to him. But he completely blew me away, and my brain was just soaring with happiness and love. So instead I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed an urgent kiss to his lips. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. When he deepened the kiss a moan escaped my lips. 

The buzzer of Oliver's intercom rang and we both jumped. He muttered curses under his breath and walked over to it, "Yes?" 

"Oliver, it's John. I have Lyla and Sara with me. We want to come see Felicity," He said. He was still short with Oliver and that hurt my heart. The two of them were closer than brothers before, but a lot happened between them. I just hoped that they could get back to where they were. But John's words sank in and I stood, looking down at the scars scattered on my legs and arms I felt panic. 

"Oliver," I asked, before he hit the button to respond, "Do you have a sweatshirt and sweatpants I can borrow? Just until we go to my apartment." 

He looked at me, his eyes turning sad. "Honey, it's summer. You don't need to cover your legs, we all have our scars." My eyes started to get watery and I opened my mouth to explain, but he held up his hand. "No, I'm sorry, you're right. Of course, Let me just let them in and I'll grab them for you." I smiled and nodded my head in thanks. He pressed down the intercom button, "of course. Come on up. Felicity is just getting dressed." I followed him into his room and he pulled out lightweight black sweats and a light grey zipper up. He handed them to me and pressed a strong kiss to my forehead. "I'm sorry. Take your time, okay?" I nodded and he walked out, closing the door behind him. 

I found my clothes from yesterday and grabbed the blue camisole that I was wearing. It'd only been two days since we had been home and I had spent both of them at Oliver's apartment. Laurel ran over to mine and got me jeans, a camisole and a tee-shirt to wear, but the shirt showed the cuts on my arms and I felt too self-conscious to wear them in front of everyone. So Oliver and I kind of just hid out for the day. I guess the other's wanted to change that. I threw on a bra and the rest of the clothes and looked in the mirror. 

I cringed. I looked sickly. My bones looked like they were going to stick through my skin and I had deep circles under my eyes. My hair was a tangled mess. Something about Oliver's two-in-one shampoo just did not agree with my hair. I sighed and started dutch braiding it like I had at the island, but stopped. That was Azrael, not me. But I wasn't  _me_ me anymore. I had braided about halfway down my head, so I just pulled the rest of it into a pony tail. There. Half and half. I'd get there eventually. 

I walked out of his bedroom and they all turned to look at me. Lyla rushed forward, pulling me to her tightly. I wrapped my arms around her, as well. It was my first time seeing her since I got back. 

"Oh, Felicity, it's so good to have you back," She said, constricting her hold a little tighter, so it was harder to breathe. 

"It's good to see you again," I managed to wheeze out. She laughed and pulled back, holding me at arms length and inspecting me. I avoided looking into her eyes, not wanting to see whatever emotion was in them. Whether it was shock or pity, I just didn't want it.

"Share her, Lyla," John huffed, pulling me from her and wrapping me up. I smiled now, and settled into his chest, tucking my head under his chin. I would never tell him this, but I thought of him as such a father figure. "I missed you, Kiddo." 

I laughed and snuggled in further, peaking at Oliver and smiling when I saw a grin on his face looking at us. "You saw me a day ago, John." 

He shook his head and planted a quick kiss on the top of mine. "Sara missed you, too." He picked her up and my eyes got teary. I guess coming home meant that the crying was going to start again. 

"Oh my god, you guys," I said, running a gentle hand over her fuzzy head, "she got so big." 

John looked down at her proudly, then looked back at me. "Do you want to hold her?"  I looked down into her dark eyes and suddenly I got a flash of the face of the man I killed on the island. I could see it clear as day. The blood dripping down his chin. The pained expression on his face. I started shaking and took a step back. "Felicity. are you okay?" John asked, putting Sara down and grabbing my arms, keeping me steady. 

Oliver started walking towards me and I nodded my head, trying to get my breathing under control, "Yes, I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm sorry," I cleared my throat and shook my head, trying to clear it. "Maybe I could hold her a little later?" 

John looked into my eyes and nodded his head. "Of course." His hands were still around my arms and he gave them a little squeeze. "Damn, Felicity, look who built up some serious muscles, huh?" He said.

That actually made me smile, and I flexed my arm, "Right? Ra's had me on a tight training program, I worked on these babies every day for five months straight." 

I saw his jaw clench up when I said Ra's name, but he forced a smile on, pulling me to him one more and wrapping his arms around me. I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling guilty for saying anything. I hadn't meant to upset him. He let go and Oliver came over, placing a kiss on the side of my head and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I blushed, this was the fist time that he had really shown public affection... maybe with anyone... 

But the buzzer called his name and he groaned. "Who is here now..." He muttered to himself, walking away. "Yes?" He asked again, looking at me. 

"It's Laurel, Nyssa, my dad, Roy and Thea," the intercom informed us. " Apparently we all had the idea to come visit Felicity at the same time." 

Oliver sighed and looked to me. "Are you up to this?" 

"Answer him honestly," Lyla added, "because we can go, too." 

I reached out and grabbed her hand, giving it a small squeeze. "No, I'm fine." I turned back to Oliver and nodded my head. "Just, maybe if we could still stay in the apartment. I'm still little sore and walking around too much makes me tired, really quickly." 

Oliver nodded his head, "Of course," he pressed the button down and leaned into it, "come on up, everyone." 

Many hugs, greetings, stories and laughs later, I was sitting down in the middle of the room, listening to Quentin tell us of a kid who tried to rob a convenience store, but forgot his driver's license there. By the end we were all laughing so hard that I was sure my stitches would burst. Oliver was sitting next to me, and I leaned my head on his shoulder, letting my eyelids droop. He pressed a quick kiss to my temple and I felt the warmth of it radiate all throughout my body. 

Sara hobbled her way over to me and grabbed my cheeks. I laughed and reached out to grab her, but paused and looked to John for approval. He nodded his head smiling, and I scooped her up and sat her on my lap. Laurel was telling a story about some whack job she had to represent, but I was honestly more focused on Sara. She stared at me, studying me. I crossed my eyes and blew up my cheeks, sending her into a fit of high pitched giggles. She grabbed my nose and I pretended to gasp, causing her to squeal again. This went on for a few more minutes until her eyes started drooping. She slowly curled up and pressed her head on my shoulder, her breathing slowing as she promptly fell asleep. I looked at the little nugget in my arms and smiled. John and Lyla exchanged a quick glance and smiled at each other. 

"Looks like someone's tired. I better bring her home," Lyla said getting up and walking over to me. She bent down and I helped transfer Sara over to her without waking her. "I'm going to call you if I ever need a babysitter..." she said. I laughed and she walked over, packing Sara up in her stroller and giving John a quick kiss. "I'll see you at home. The rest of you, I'll see you soon." Everyone said their goodbyes and she walked out the door. 

We all talked for a while longer. They all told me stories of stuff I had missed while I was... away. I mean, it took me ten minutes to convince them it wouldn't upset me, but they did. And it did make me feel better. I didn't feel so clueless about their lives anymore. 

Roy cleared his through, "Hey, Felicity, I almost forgot about this," he dug into his pocked and pulled out the ring that Ra's had given me. a slight tremor went through my body, but I reached out my hand and accepted it. "You had a death grip on that thing, I thought I was going to break your fingers getting it from you." 

I studied it quietly and I could feel everyone's eyes on me. This ring held a lot of power. It came with a title that I hadn't really even thought that I possessed until right now. I let it settle in my brain, the title that it came with. Thought about all the different aspects of it. The power that came with it. But then I looked around this room. Looked at the faces that I pictured every night on the island. I thought of the mental memory box that I had made with all of them in it, and the fear of never seeing them again. And honestly, nothing was worth that. I stood and walked over to Nyssa, who looked up at me questioningly. I grabbed her hand and placed the ring in it. "If anyone deserves this, it's you. You are an amazing fighter. You're strong, agile, and cunning. But before all that, you're honorable. I wouldn't do that title justice. But I know you're strong enough to really make a difference. You're a natural born leader. You inspired me when I had no hope left. You're one of the biggest reasons I'm alive today. And proud to give this to you," I smiled at her, "my friend." 

She stood and wrapped me in a hug which I returned. "Thank you. I promise to do good with it." 

I winced as she pulled back and felt myself get very tired. I looked to Oliver who looked concerned. 

"Alright, guys," He said, standing, "I know you all missed her, but I think it's time we let her get some rest. You guys are welcome back tomorrow." Everyone chattered with agreement and hugged me as they made their way out of the apartment. 

Thea hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear, "I've never seen my brother as happy as when he looks at you. Not even before the island." 

My throat constricted for a second as she pulled back. I smiled. "I'll do everything I can to keep it that way." 

She smiled and winked at me, "I'm sure you will." Roy gave me a quick hug then took her hand and the two of them left.

John walked over to me next and pulled me in another hug. "I'll see you soon, Kid, okay?" I looked up to him and nodded, smiling brightly. He turned to Oliver, studying him for a moment. "I'll talk to you later, man." Oliver gave a slight smile and nodded.

When John left he walked over to me, rubbing his hands up and down my arms. "Are you okay?" 

I nodded, repressing a yawn. "It was good to see everyone. I just feel like I get tired so easily."

He nodded. "Your injuries were serious, Felicity. You're still healing. It's normal to get tired quickly after that. It will get better, though. You'll be back to normal in no time." I nodded and he pressed his lips to my forehead. "I'll go clean up the kitchen. How about you go take a nice relaxing bath, I'll order us some Big Belly Burger and we can lay in bed and watch some movies?" 

I smiled and nodded my head, "You are a man after my heart, Oliver Queen." 

* * *

 I woke up with my heart pounding in my chest. The television was on low, and I was laying on Oliver's chest. He was sound asleep under me, his face calm and peaceful. But my heart was racing, and I wasn't sure why. The red numbers on the clock read four in the morning. Wrappers were scattered around the bed. We must have fallen asleep watching a movie. I sat up slowly and tried to clear my head. But I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. Before I could even turn my head to look a dagger flew by my face. I watched as it sunk itself into the chest of the man I killed on the island. I gasped and covered my mouth. 

He moaned and clutched the knife in his chest. His breath was coming out in labored wheezes.  _I must be dreaming, I must be dreaming._ I pinched myself but nothing changed.  _I'm not fracking dreaming._ The man turned and ran toward the window, climbing out the fire escape. "Wait!" I whispered, unsure of what just happened. I climbed out of bed and didn't even bother to put shoes on. I ran out to the fire escape and saw him on the ground below. I grabbed the railing and swung myself down, taking the impact hard on the balls of my feet. 

The man took off running down the street and I bolted after him. I didn't stop for a second. I followed every twist and turn he made, my lungs screaming for air, my muscles burning. I was sure my feet were going to be all fracked up after this was done, but I didn't dare stop. Eventually he turned into the lot were Verdant was. He hopped over the fence cleanly. I did the same, but caught my leg on the way down. I cried out in pain, but ignored it, determined not to lose him. But it delayed me just enough that I lost sight of him. I ran anyway, making my way into the building. I saw a flash of him run down the stairs into the foundry and I followed. He was standing with his back to me in the middle of the room. The lights above us flickered on and  _huummed,_ adding to the eerie feeling I got. 

 I slowly approached him, not sure what I was going to do when I got close to him. He answered that for me, because he turned suddenly, his dark eye burning into mine. "I'm sorry," I whimpered, tears spilling over my eyes, "I'm so sorry." he fell to the ground and I followed him. His blood pooled on the floor below him and coated my hands as I tried to save him. With one final breath he closed his eyes. "No, no!" I cried, full on sobbing, I covered my face with my hands and shook my head, trying to wish it all away. 

And when I opened my eyes it was gone. There was no man. There was no blood. There was just an empty foundry. My breath hitched, and came in fast gasps. I knew in my mind that I was hyperventilating, but I couldn't get myself to stop. I just curled around myself in the middle of the floor of the foundry until the darkness came. 

 


	2. Little Notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So this chapter is going to start out a little different. I didn't want to start switching back and forth on perspectives, but I also wanted you guys to see a little bit of the behind the scenes (I guess you could say...) on Oliver. So that's what I came up with... anyway, enjoy!

Oliver woke up with a start at his apartment. He saw my side of the bed was empty and jumped out of it, making a sweep of the entire apartment. When he realized it was empty his heart dropped. He pulled out his phone, planning on calling mine, when he saw it sitting on the nightstand next to the bed. "Fuck," he snapped, pacing the room, His mind was racing as he was trying to clear his head enough to focus on what to do next. He locked down his emotions, making sure they didn't get in thew way of my safety. He looked to the fire escape and saw the the window was still slightly open. He raced to it, opening it entirely and jumping out. When he made it to the ground, he searched around, looking for any clues to where I might have gone. He whipped out his phone and called Digs.

"What?" John snapped, his voice thick from sleep and impatience. 

"It's Felicity," Oliver opened with, knowing that right now I was the best way to get John to listen. 

"What's wrong?" John said, his voice suddenly alert and filled with panic. 

Oliver sighed and crouched down, running his free hand over his face before striking the pavement out of frustration. "She's missing. I woke up and she wasn't in the apartment. Her phone's on the nightstand and the window to the fire escape was open." 

John's end of the phone was silent for a few moments. But when he finally spoke his voice was calm and rational. "Okay, well, assuming she was sleeping in your bed, there's no way anyone could have taken her unless they drugged you. Do you feel any after effects of drugs?" Oliver told him no. "Okay, that means she most like left under her own power. Which is good. Let's meet up at the foundry. We can run some scans on the computer and you can suit up." 

Oliver let out a breath and stood up, his mind feeling more clear and in control. "That sounds perfect. I'll meet you there. And Dig? Thank you." 

Digs sighed, "let's go find our girl, man."

They met up in Verdant and walked down the stairs to the foundry together. Oliver saw me first and jumped over the railing. " _Felicity!"_ Tore from his throat as he skidded to his knees in front of me. John cursed and stood over me. Oliver slid his hands under me and stood. Fear knotted in his stomach as he watched the way my head lulled back. He placed me on the table and ran his hands over me. Where my stitches were felt hot and he pulled up the camisole I was wearing to make sure they weren't bleeding. 

John sucked in a breath. "Mother _fucker._ What did that bastard do to her?" 

Oliver lifted my arm above my head and rolled me into a recovery position. He lifted shirt again to make sure I wasn't bleeding. He heard John curse before it really sunk in with Oliver how bad my back was. He had only seen a glimpse of what Ra's had caused when his whip bit into my back. He raised my shirt even father and traced the Angel Wings on my shoulder blades, then moving to the scar in between my shoulder blades. The one that matched the one on my chest, mapping where Ra's' sword slammed through my body.

John saw them and cursed. "He fucking _branded_ her?"

Oliver sunk his head into his hands, trying to press back the tears coming to his eyes. John laid a strong hand on his shoulder. "You can't blame yourself, man." 

Oliver raised his head and looked at John. "John, I'm... I'm so sorry for everything that happened between us. I know it's not enough, I know." He stood and lowered my shirt, rolling me gently onto my back. He head tilted away from him so he got a clear glimpse of the half braid half ponytail. He ran his fingers over it gingerly. "I needed to keep you all safe. I needed to. Ra's ordered me to take Lyla and Sara. I convinced him to leave Sara out of it, but he would have killed you all if I hadn't taken Lyla." He turned and faced John, his shoulder's square. "I would never had let anything happen to her. I would have died trying to protect her. I need you to know that." 

John studied him for a moment then moved forward and clamped a hand on Oliver's shoulder. He pulled him in for a quick hug, patting his back before releasing him. I whimpered slightly, and they turned their attention to me. Oliver stroked my hair gently and John inspected me. "Oliver, I need to know. What happened to her on that island?" 

Oliver shook his head slightly, his eyes never leaving my sleeping face. "I don't even know most of it, Digs. I know that he set her up to die to hurt me. It was all to hurt me. He killed her in front of me." The images of the incident flashed before his eyes. "I did this to her. But it was so early, Dig. I only had a night with her before I thought she was dead. I have no idea what happened in the six months that I didn't see her." He let out a shaky breath and leaned over and pressed his lips to my forehead. "When she.. when she died. I swear, I died, Dig. I swear I did. I never felt that much pain in my life. Not on the island, not with Tommy, not even my mother. I shattered. I didn't eat, sleep. I needed to kill Ra's, the thought consumed me. And I couldn't even do that. She had to." 

John pressed his hand back to his shoulder. "Stop that. You didn't do this to her. We chose to save you, Oliver. She chose to. She didn't want to live without you either. But she's back now. She's alive and she's safe. And we'll help her through everything else."

Oliver nodded, "Through everything else." 

* * *

I woke up slowly, my head pounding. Confusion flowed through me replaced my frustration. I was damn tired of waking up from unconsciousness.  _The next time this happens it will damn well be because of Vodka,_ I swore to myself. My eyes fluttered open and I realized that I was in the foundry. I shook my head, sitting up. Hands pushed me back down. I looked and saw Oliver, concern filling his eyes. 

"Easy, okay?" He said, moving his hand to cup my cheek. His eyes scanned my face rapidly, searching for something."What happened? 

I cleared my throat, trying to remember exactly. It came back to me in a flood and I closed my eyes. _So stupid._ I rubbed my hand over my face and shook my head. "It's so silly, Oliver." 

He grabbed my hands in his and held them tightly, his eyes capturing mine. When he spoke his voice sounded like fire, "Then tell me, Felicity. Please, talk to me." 

I sighed and nodded, pushing myself into a sitting position so I could think better. "I woke up and thought I saw _him._ The man I... I..." I blew out a breath and he rubbed my back. "Anyway. I saw a dagger, well, my dagger, well, I guess if we're being technical, Nyssa's dagger, because she was the one who gave it to me, fly into him. And he crawled out the fire escape and next thing I know, I'm hyperventilating in the middle of the foundry." He stood then and pressed his lips onto my forehead. I sighed and leaned into him, resting my head on his chest. He brought his arms up and wrapped them tightly around me. "I feel like I'm slipping away, Oliver," I whispered, my voice sounding hoarse and distant, "I feel like I can't think straight and I keep forgetting who I am." 

He pulled back and looked at me intensely. I felt like I could almost see his heartbeat in his eyes. "You are Felicity. You are smart, kind, sweet, funny, strong Felicity. You ramble when you get nervous, or excited, or really any time you talk..." I rolled my eyes and he let out a quick chuckle, "You think of others before yourself. You like your coffee sweet. You mutter in your sleep." He paused and lightly pressed his lips to mine, "You ground me, Felicity. When I think I can't do it, when I think I'm done, you know just what to say. You see right through me. You always have. But you've never rejected me. You push past that and see me as a person, instead of some machine that I feel like sometimes. No one sees me the way you do because no one sees anything like you do. And no one can take that from you. Not Ra's, not me, and not even yourself.  We all get lost along the way," he looked down and took my hand in his, "but let my guide you home like you've guided me home countless times." 

I just stared into his eyes for a long moment. This man that forced himself into my life two years ago was now the center of it all. A guy that I would have never dreamed would even look at me had my heart so captivated that I doubted it even belonged to me anymore. "Oliver. How do I deserve to have you in my life?" 

He laughed and rested his forehead on mine. "Oh, Felicity... It's really not you who should be asking that question."

Someone cleared their throat and I looked over. Digs waited until Oliver lifted his head than came over to me. I smiled at him and reached out my hand. He took it and gave it a quick squeeze. "You had us scared, Kid." 

Guilt flooded me. He was right, I didn't think about that. I was just so out of it, I didn't really think at all. "You're right, I'm sorry," I flashed him puppy dog eyes, "forgive me?" 

He chuckled and patted my cheek. "I'll do my best." 

I smiled at him, and moved to push myself off the table. Oliver's arms held me back, but I pushed them away, trying to send him a reassuring look. My legs were a little shaky, but other than that I was fine. I looked around the foundry. Nothing had really changed. The fern that I bought Oliver was still alive. I walked over to it and ran my fingers over its leaves. That's when the picture frame caught my eye. I walked over to it, picking it up and running my fingers over it. 

Digg cleared his throat, "Roy insisted we keep it there. So it was like you were still here." 

I turned and looked at him, a slow smile spreading across my face, despite the tears that were forming in my eyes. I huffed out a breath and looked down at the picture again.  _Look at this girl,_ I thought,  _I hardly recognize her._ I shook my head. "When I first woke up after they brought me back from well," I dragged my finger down my chest where I felt the rigid scar,"Ra's showed me surveillance of you guys. Granted, I had been the one to hack into our feed, but he showed it to me. You were all down here. Laurel, Roy and you. And I just kept thinking,  _'My family. They're here, and they're safe.'_ And then you sat down," I looked back at Digg now, "and you picked up this picture of me and looked at it. And everything was a little less scary. The thought of becoming this assassin, didn't seem so scary." I looked to Oliver, his face rigid with emotion. His jaw was clenched, and the vein in his neck was pulsing. "You all can protect yourselves. I know that. But even when I was her," I looked to the picture again, "I desperately wanted to wrap you all up and keep you safe, which was ironic because I was the weakest of us all. But now, I can. You two are two of the most important people in my life. And I missed you both so much." I put the picture down, walking over to Digg and wrapping my arms around his neck. He wrapped his around me and I sighed. _This,_ I thought,  _this is what will make it worth it. Even if I did lose myself, at least now I can keep them safe._

Oliver walked over to us, and we ended up making it a group hug. I laughed, Imagining how silly we must look. Three adults indulging in this moment. But I truly didn't care. 

Digg pulled back and wiped his eyes quickly. "Damn, Felicity, warn me next time you're gonna get like that, okay?" I laughed and nodded my head. "For the record, Felicity," he said, sincerity in his eyes, "you were never the weakest out of us." 

I smiled, knowing what he meant. I didn't agree, but I wasn't going to argue with him. Not now. I let out a shaky breath and looked to my computers. A twinge of sadness struck my chest and I tried my best to push it down. I looked at Oliver, "You didn't happen to bring my phone with you, did you?" 

He looked surprised, but reached into his pocket and pulled it out. "What do you need it for?" 

I took it from his outstretched hand and sighed, "To call Ray. I should probably see if I still have a job to afford the apartment that I hopefully still have." 

Worried crossed over Oliver's face. "Do you think it's a little too early to go back to work?" He walked to me and rubbed my arms with his hands. "This is only your third day back." 

I grabbed his face lightly between my hands. "I know, Oliver. But I'm hoping that getting back to work will help me feel more like myself. Besides, I'm literally just checking if I even still have a job. I doubt that Palmer went seven months without a VP." He didn't look convinced and I rubbed my thumb over his cheek. "I'll start with short days, Oliver." 

He sighed, cupping my cheek with his hand and wrapping an arm around my waist. "Just... if it's too much, Felicity.." 

"I tell you," I said. He stared into my eyes for a while before dipping his head slightly and pressing a quick, light kiss to my lips. I smiled and pulled away, dialing Ray's office number on my phone and pressing it to my ear. 

" _Hello, Palmer Industries, how may I help you?"_ His secretary answered.

"Hi, yes," I said, suddenly nervous, "I need to speak with Ray Palmer." 

_"May I ask who's calling?"_

"Uh, duh, yes," I scrunched up my face and pinched my nose. Did Assassin's come with social awkwardness? "It's Felicity Smoak." The line went silent and I got nervous. It hit me that the last time Ray and I had talked, it was went I was broke up with him. I hoped that he understood and didn't hate me. I didn't want to lose him as a friend.

_"I'll patch you right in."_

"Thank you," I said, looking to Oliver. When my eyes connected with his I felt calmer. Better. _When did he become such a lifeline to me?_  It snuck up on me. I tried to tell myself for so long that I just cared because we worked so closely together. Falling in love with him was so slow and soft that I didn't recognize it at first. 

 _"Felicity?"_ Ray's voice was breathless and unbelieving in my ear. He sounded shocked and relieved at the same time.

My eyebrows knotted together in confusion at his tone. "Hey, Ray. I was just calling to see-" 

 _"You're alive?"_ His voice was barely over a whisper. 

 _Alive?_ I thought,  _Of course I was-_ then it hit me. I clamped my hand over the receiver and whisper yelled at Oliver, "Why didn't you tell him I was back?" 

Oliver looked down and shrugged his shoulders slightly muttering, "I try to repress him from my memory..." Digg laughed and I shook my head. 

"Yes," I answered, feeling guilty. I hadn't thought to contact him either, so I couldn't be mad at Oliver. "I'm back. I mean, I just got back like two days ago and it's kind of just been crazy, I've been really tired because I'm still healing, but you don't need to know that, because that's not important, but I've been out of it, which is why I'm just calling you now, and I'm rambling," I took a breath and counted to three in my head. "I just wanted to know if I could come talk to you to see about my job. I mean, not that I'm expecting it back, I totally get that I've been gone for a while, but maybe just some kind of IT job  at least-" 

_"You're still my VP, Felicity."_

I stopped talking entirely and thought for a moment that I couldn't find my voice. "Ray... that's... thank you."  Oliver scrunched his eyebrows together and I held up a finger, trying to tell him that I'd explain in a second. 

 _"When can you come in?"_ He asked, a little too eagerly, _"I'd really like to see you."_

I cringed, feeling guilty. It'd been months, and I'm sure that he'd gotten over me. It couldn't have been too hard. But I wanted to be open about Oliver and I. Well, as open as I could be. I wasn't even quite sure what we were. "I just have to get to my apartment and make sure I haven't been locked out for not paying rent. If I haven't been, I'll get dressed and Oliver will drive me to the office." I pretended not to see the smile that tugged on Oliver's lips when he heard that. 

There was a moment of silence.  _"I actually covered your rent while you were away."_

"Ray-" 

_"I'm sorry, if that's too much. I promise, I accept where we are right now. As friends. But, it was really hard on everyone when you left. And it just made me feel better knowing that if-uh, when- you came home you'd still have your apartment."_

I smiled, "Thank you. That's incredible sweet of you." Oliver rolled his eyes and Diggle laughed at him. We said our goodbyes and I hung up. "Ray paid my rent for me, so I still have my apartment. Do you guys want to come with me?" I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to hold it together when I saw my apartment, and it just made me feel better thinking that I'd have them both to lean on. 

"Your car is actually still here, Felicity," Digs said, walking over to a draw and pulling out my car keys and throwing them to me. When he noticed my questioning look his shrugged his shoulders. "It made us feel better, knowing it was here. I liked seeing it when I parked." 

I was touched. I ran my hand down his arm before twining my fingers with Oliver's. We walked to my car and I was thrilled to see that it looked clean. Digg told me that Roy had been cleaning it for me and I made a mental note to thank him for it later. We climbed in and I took my place behind the wheel. I felt good to be there again. I turned on and my music blasted through the speakers. I quickly turned it low, but not off. It was a country song that I didn't know. I guess the one good thing about this was that I got to have that many more new songs. I pulled out of the spot and we started our trip to my apartment. 

Oliver looked at the radio and tilted his head. "Smoke," he muttered, under his breath a small smile playing on his lips. It took me a second to realize that it was the name of the song. "I wouldn't have guessed that you liked country music, to be honest." 

"Yeah, I don't know. I listened to it ever since I was a little girl. I think it's because my Dad used to listen to it," I said, regretting it instantly. I didn't know why that came to my brain. I hadn't really thought about my father in forever. I talked about him even less. "Aaaand, I don't know why I just told you that.." 

His focus shifted to me, now and he placed a warm hand on my thigh. "You never talk about him," he said gently, his voice low and raspy. 

I bit my lip, chastising myself for saying that. But at the same time, I was trying to figure out why the hell I said that. "Yeah, there's a reason for that," I muttered. Oliver must have recognized my tone and chose to drop it. I made another mental note to thank him about that later, too. I pulled into the lot of my apartment and smiled. I was really excited to see it. My apartment was small, and filled with cheap little knick knacks, but it was mine. 

When we got to the door, however, I changed my mind. I was suddenly filled with nerves, and I wasn't quite sure why. I just stared at the door, willing my muscles to move and open it. Thankfully, Oliver and Dig stood silently behind me, not pushing me at all. When I finally opened it, I did feel better. The room was light, and it wasn't that messy. In fact, I'm pretty sure someone had been cleaning it while I was away because I was most certain that I didn't leave this place nearly as clean as it was now. Oliver and Digg stepped in cautiously behind me. 

I turned to look at them, and smiled. This is their first time in my apartment. I stifled a giggle when I thought of how they must have expected something like this. A menagerie of knick knacks. I walked into my kitchen, running my fingers over my coffee pot. "Oh, Caffeine, how I've missed you." They followed me, too, silent shadows. I walked into my bedroom and smiled. While the rest of my house was busy, my bedroom was quiet. It was a whisper of my personality. Light blue walls contrasted by a stark-white bed. I found it calming. I walked over to my closet and opened it, running my fingers over the familiar fabrics of my dresses. 

But instead of a dress I picked out long pants and a lightweight long-sleeved shirt. I knew it'd be hot, but my cuts just needed more time to heal. I walked over to my bathroom, and opened the door. I turned back to Oliver and Dig and sighed, wishing they'd say something. Did they like it? Did they hate it? Were they expecting it? What? "I'll be right out, I promise." I closed the door and started changing, trying my best to avoid looking in the mirror. 

"Felicity," Oliver's voice was cold and hard. It sounded more like Arrow than Oliver. 

I stepped out, sending him a questioning look. My eyes dropped to his hands and I noticed a little piece of paper in them. John's expression was hard and worried, his features tight. Oliver was repressing anger, I could see that clearly. I reached out my hand and took the paper from them. It was a note. 

**Felicity- You're in danger.**

I gasped when I read it, my hand covering my mouth. My mind went blank for a second then picked up into overdrive. I looked at them my voice barely above a whisper, "Where you did you find this?" 

Oliver's jaw clenched and unclenched. "On your pillow." 

"Felicity, what kind of security system do you have?" John asked, his voice buisiness like. He was scanning my room, and I knew he was looking looking for exposed entry points and places an attacker could hide. 

My mouth was dry and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to speak. I shook my head, "I don't."

Oliver turned to me sharply, "You have gone three years doing what we do and you don't have a security system?" His voice had extra bite to it and I cringed.

HIs angry diluted the fear I felt, and when I answered my voice was stronger than it was before. "I haven't exactly been the main target, Oliver."

"Excuse me, how many times have you been kidnapped?" His face was red and his voice was somewhere between talking and shouting. The vein in his neck was pulsing.

For a brief moment I wanted to wrap my arms around him to calm him down, but his tone registered with me and I felt my own temper flair up. "That's just because I happened to be there, no one looked for me and took me." I defended.

"But they could have, easily, and I wouldn't have known, and then what would I have done?" He said, his voice desperate.

It clicked in my mind now, that he was acting out of fear and my anger dissipated. I placed my hand on his cheek and sighed. "But it didn't happen. So let's not fight about the past now." 

"I'm installing a security system in it now," Digg said, "I'll get Lyla to get one for me and I'll have some of my guys put it in while you're at Ray's." 

I nodded, feeling grateful, but Oliver was still tensed up. I turned my attention back to him and pushed down any fear I felt. "Oliver, calm down. Read the note again," I said, handing it to him and stepping back, "It doesn't seem like a threat, it seems like a warning." 

"Well, either way you're in danger." He snapped, turning away from me.  I looked to John and he nodded his head, walking out of my room and closing the door behind him. This wasn't how I pictured my first time being in my room alone with Oliver Queen to be. And trust me, I had imagined it many, many times. "How are you okay right now?" He asked, turning around to face me again. 

I stepped towards him and took his face in my hands, a gesture that I hadn't realized I did so freaking often until now. "Oliver, I'm scared. I am. I hate thinking that someone was in my home. On my bed. But I'm not defenseless now. As horrible as the island was, it did make me stronger, physically at least. I can handle myself." 

His eyes searched mine and he placed his hands on mine. "You shouldn't have to be." 

I shook my head, "There are a lot of things in life people shouldn't have to be. But that doesn't mean they can't be. Oliver, Digg will set up a security system. No one will get in without everyone and the fracking neighborhood knowing. And if they do I can certainly fight them off until you get here." I added the last part to make him feel better. I felt pretty confident that I could take care of them by myself.

He looked at me for a long moment. "I'll already be here. If you're staying here, so am I." 

It touched me. I don't know if I should have. I don't know if I should have expected him to offer to stay. But the certainty of his voice. The way he didn't hesitate at staying here with me. Something in me responded and all my fear was replaced with a warm glow. I stood on my tip toes and pressed my lips to his mouth. When his my slanted over mine a fire ran straight to my belly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and weaved my fingers into the short hairs on the back of his head. He moaned and wrapped his arms around my waist. Our kiss deepened and he lifted me off the floor. My head was now above his, angled down, and I placed my hand on his neck. I could feel his heartbeat pulsing under my hand and it made my own quicken. 

He slowls placed me back on the floor before sighing and dropped his forehead to rest on mine. I wrapped myself into him and tucked my head under his chin. He pressed a soft kiss to my lips. 

I pulled back and lightly touched my lips to his cheek. I grabbed the note and read it once more, the panic prickling itself back into my system. "Let's go see Ray. I want to find out how fast I can set up a handwriting analysis program." 


	3. Old Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I've been so terrible at updating! Life is mellowing out, so I should be back on track soon. Thanks for you patience! Anyway, I'm sorry for the mistakes I know are in this one, I'll reread it again in the morning and try to get them, I just cannot keep my eyes open right now. But, I hope you all enjoy!

Oliver drove to Palmer Industries and I was thankful. My heart was pounding in my chest and I wasn't sure if I was nervous about seeing Ray again or if it was just from knowing someone had broken into my apartment. I probably wasn't as scared as I should be. It did disturb my thinking of someone wondering around my apartment. But on the other hand it didn't feel like mine anymore. I'd been gone for so long, I just didn't feel like I had the claim to the space that I had before. When we pulled up I dragged my attention away and straightened up. My hair was pulled back into the half braid half ponytail I'd become pretty fond of. Oliver got out and opened my door for me. When I stepped out he took my hand in his.

I stopped for a second and looked down at our fingers twined together. It was so innocent, so cute. I didn't know what to think at first. I didn't really have any experience with Oliver as a casual boyfriend. I shut down the thought. Was I even allowed to think of him as a boyfriend? I mean between the confessions of love and sleeping together (both ways..) I couldn't deny we were certainly... something. We just never put a name on it. But I looked at our fingers knotted together again and I was just filled with warmth. I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and he smiled. That smile that I pretended I claimed. It made everything better.

 I thought that Oliver was going to drop my hand when we got to the floor where Ray's office was. But instead he gripped it tighter. When we exited the elevators nostalgia washed it's way through me. The glass walls separating the offices allowed the pretty sunlight to filter through the building. I looked at my office and saw it was exactly as I had left it. My heart clenched up. 

Ray looked up from paperwork and an easy smile spread across his face. He walked over to me and wrapped me in a hug. Oliver let go of my hand grudgingly and I wrapped my arms around Ray. He pulled back from me and smiled, but I saw it dim when he really examined my face. "You look great, Felicity."

Oliver made a sound behind me and Ray's eyes wandered over to him. He let go of me and reached out his hand to Oliver, like an olive branch. I honestly held my breath, feeling my eyes get wide. I didn't expect that to happen. Oliver stared at the hand with confusion, then slowly lifted his hand and shook it. 

"Glad that you're back, Oliver," Ray said, his voice sounding sincere. He looked to me and smiled. 

"Thank you," Oliver said, his voice slightly distrusting, but a mutual understanding seemed to fall between the two.  

Ray nodded dropping his hand and turning back to me. "Now, when you get into your office, remember that you called me up saying that you wanted this job..." 

I eyed him wearily, "What do you mean, Palmer...?" 

He broke a crooked smiled and rubbed the back of his head, shrugging his shoulders slightly. "I just left you a lot of paperwork... " 

"How much paperwork?" I asked, a headache forming behind my eyes at the thought of it. 

"Just a few weeks," he said, but when I squinted my eyes at him he sighed and hung his head, "...ooor a few months." 

I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head as I sucked in a deep breath, looking at the stack of paperwork on my desk. "Jeeze, Palmer... you may see a resignation slip on your desk at the end of today." He laughed, though, at seeing my expression. 

"Yeah, we'll see. I'll let you get to it, though. Seriously, take your time, and only do what you feel like you can. Oliver, it's really good to see you again," he turned to go back to his office and stopped, looking back at me. "I'm really glad you're okay, Felicity." Without another word he walked back into his office. 

Oliver huffed and wrapped his hand around mine again. I looked up at him and tried not to smile. His face was oozing with jealousy, a look that I don't think I had ever seen on him before. When he looked at me it softened, though. 

"Come on," I said, giving it a little tug, "let's go set up a handwriting analysis and then I'll debate whether it's worth it to try for unemployment or just do the paperwork." 

He laughed then and smiled, following me into my office. He sat in the chair that was in the corner, facing my desk. I pulled out the note and threw it on my desk, settling myself into my chair. _Oh, God, this was so comfortable. Was it always this comfortable?_ I  _tap, tap, tapped_ the keyboard and smiled to myself that my coding abilities came back naturally. I hacked into a few databases just to remind myself that I could do it and then focused on what I needed to do. I decided to use the FBI program instead of ARGUS. I just had a feeling it would run slightly faster. I scanned a copy of the note into my computer and started running the program. It was a waiting game now. 

I sighed as I looked at the enormous amount of paperwork on my desk. Oliver was just sitting quietly in the corner, studying me. "You can go if you want," I offered, "It looks like I'm going to be here longer than intended, and I know, I know, I said I'd start with short days, but honestly looking at this gives me anxiety." 

He smiled and stood, crossing over to my desk and tucking his hand under my chin and lifting it towards his face. "There's no where else I'd rather be." He kissed me softly and sweetly. But it was the kind of kiss that curled my toes. "And yes, I'd rather you stay here shorter than I'm sure you'll want to, but..." his voice got low and growly, and it make the hair on the back of my neck stand up, "I'm hoping to be able to convince you to cut out a little earlier." I visibly shivered at his words and he chuckled to himself before walking over and sitting in his chair.

I shook my head, trying to clear it of the fog he put into it. He had a satisfied smile on his face and I had to keep the corners of my mouth from pulling up. "You look like it's bring your kid to work day, sitting in the corner like that." 

His rumbling laugh broke my control and forced a smile onto my face. 

* * *

It had been three hours with no luck on the handwriting analysis. But on the bright side I was almost halfway done with the paperwork. I rolled my head on my shoulders and glanced over at Oliver. He was sleeping in the chair. I almost laughed. I hoped that his dreams were as peaceful as his face looked. I felt slightly bad that I wasn't really paying attention to him, but he said he wanted to stay, and it looked like he needed the sleep anyway. I turned my attention back to my paperwork. 

The intercom buzz made me jump and Oliver was alert and on his feet in seconds. When my heart settled down our eyes met. "It's okay," I said, my voice a little shaky. "Just the intercom." He nodded and sat down scanning around my office. I took a deep breath and pressed down the button. "Yes, Elizabeth?" 

"Uhh, Felicity.." Her voice was confused with a mixture of fear and my senses heightened immediately in response. "You have a visiter here. She says her name is... Neesa- Nyssa, Nyssa sorry.." 

I exhaled and noticed Oliver did the same. "It's okay, she's allowed. Don't worry, she won't bite." I added. 

When Elizabeth pressed down her button again I could hear Nyssa scoff in the background and I smiled. "She's coming in now." 

Nyssa walked through my door and I stood to greet her. She looked at Oliver and shook her head before wrapping me in a hug. "I apologize if I made your secretary wet herself. I swear, I was polite."

She was dressed in a fire red dress and black stiletto heels. It was so strange seeing her in clothes that weren't from The League. She just radiated power and strength. "Oh, Don't worry," I assured her, "You're kind of something everyone needs to take in for a second." 

She turned to Oliver and nodded, "Playing puppy today, I see?" She said, the teasing undertones playing in her voice. He just grinned at her and she turned her attention back to me. "I would like to take you to lunch, Felicity," she said, so matter-of-factly that I almost laughed, "there are things I would like to discuss with you." 

I nodded my head and walked over to my computer. "Sure, lunch sounds lovely. I just need to set up an alert system on my phone in case my analysis comes in." She tilted her head and gave me a confused look. "I'll explain when we get there. Where is there, by the way?" 

She shrugged her shoulders. "You certainly know your eating habits far better than I do." She turned to Oliver then,  "Can I assume that I will not be hurting your feelings if I ask if it can just be a... girl date... between Felicity and I?" 

His shoulder's tensed and I could see the protest in his stance. "Oliver," I said, walking to him before he could say anything. I placed my hand on his arm and sent him a smile. "We'll be fine. You're sending two trained assassins out to lunch. We can take care of ourselves." His worry melted from his face but was replaced with a twinge of sadness. He nodded silently and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I caught his face in my hands and pressed my lips forcefully to his. "Why don't you go beat the crap out of John or something? Or play with Sara and try to teach her my name..." 

He laughed then and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I'll keep myself busy. How about I pick you up later tonight, though, and bring you back to your apartment, assuming you're not going to be convinced to stay in mine for another night." 

I smiled and shook my head, kissing his nose. "Nope, not a chance. I miss my cluttered little home. I'll call you when I'm getting to the end of my paperwork?" 

He bent down and gave me one more lingering kiss. "Okay, sounds good. Nyssa, it was nice seeing you again." He unwrapped himself from me and left my office. I noticed that he waved goodbye to Palmer on the way out and I smiled. 

Nyssa turned back to me. "So where are we going to go?" 

I bit my lip for a second before it hit me. "Do you want to know why I love coffee so much?" 

It was only a fifteen minute walk, but I was excited the whole way. I didn't get to have coffee this morning and I swore I could smell the scent even though we were still across the street. We walked into One More Cup and I smiled. I used to come to this little shop all the time in the mornings, I loved it. We sat at a two person table by the windows. My gaze wandered to the people strolling by until we were given menus.

"I have no idea what to order," She said, looking at the menu in despair. 

"Well, do you like sweet things or strong things?" I asked, glancing over the menu myself. 

"I like whiskey." 

"Strong things it is then..." I said, chuckling to myself. When the waiter came by I ordered our coffee for us with two chocolate chip muffins. "So," I said, turning my full attention to Nyssa, "What did you need to talk to me about?" 

She crossed her legs under the table and looked at me with a serious expression. "Well, I just wanted to let you know first. I must return to Nanda Parbat. As the new Ra's Al Ghul, it's only fitting that I run the league from the island itself. I'm going to spend one more night here and return tomorrow." 

My heart sunk. I knew in my mind that she needed to go back. It did come with the title. I just didn't think that it would happen so soon. I felt guilty then, that I had stuck her with that responsibility. "I hope this is what you wanted, Nyssa. I don't want to force you into this. You've never had the chance to have a normal live and-"

"Felicity..." She scolded, a small smile spreading across her face, "Now stop. That is a normal life to me. In fact, I'm quite uncomfortable here."

 _How stupid,_ I thought. "Ugh, you're right. Why would I take you to this dingy little coffee shop, I'm sure you want something more ele-" 

" _Felicity,"_ She huffed. "Gracious, is this what Oliver means of the babbling? How could he have missed this? Turn off your brain, Felicity. I didn't mean here specifically. I meant that I feel better on the island.  It's what I know, what I've always known." She hesitantly reached out her hand and grabbed mine. "I cannot thank you enough for giving me this honor. I wish every day that it was my sword that ended him," her voice lowered as she said this, "but at least it will be my sword that leads his army out of the dark ages he trapped them in." 

My eyes teared up.  _Goodness, she had a way with words._ "Wow, Nyssa, you are making me emotional." 

She shook her head, "My dear Felicity, you are always emotional." I laughed and she even chuckled. "How are you adjusting to being home?" 

The question took the breath out of my lungs. A dull ache made it's way across my chest. Thankfully our coffee and food was set down and it gave me a minute to stall. I took a sip and felt some of my stress fade away. It was probably sad how much I loved coffee. She inspected the cup before taking a sip. She looked at it confused and put it down, seeming unsure of how she felt. But when her eyes came back to me, they were clear and focused. I sighed, "I'm trying," I turned my face to look out the window, away from her scrutinizing eyes, "It's been difficult. I'm seeing things, Nyssa. Well, specifically the man I.. I.." I rubbed my temples, "I still feel like a facade. I feel so guilty seeing everyone so excited that I'm back when their real Felicity actually died on that island." 

"You are still their Felicity," She reassured me, grabbing my hand again, "you did what you had to to survive. I can assure you they'll take whatever version of you they got back as apposed to not getting you back at all." 

I took another sip of my coffee. I hadn't really thought of it like that. "I'm trying. I think I'll get there. Being home helps, and even just the paperwork today made me feel like my old self. And Oliver, of course. Once I find out who broke into my apartment that should help, too, but the distraction is also kind of helpful." 

"Wait, I'm sorry, someone broke into your apartment?" She asked, taking another gulp of her coffee. 

"Oh, yeah," I said mimicking her sip for my own, "that's the program I had sent to my phone. Someone snuck into my apartment and left me this note." I pulled it out of my pocket and showed it to her. "So I'm using the FBI handwriting analysis program to try and see if I get any matches. It seems to me like it's a warning, though, so I'm not exactly sure what to think."

She inspected the note and I started eating my muffin. "You're right, it does look like a warning. I wouldn't take this lightly, though, Felicity. It's possible that my father got your name out there. You did take down one of Damien's men. There's a chance that he wants to either get revenge or recruit you. And either way you could be in danger."

I didn't realize I was shaking until I saw my coffee sputter around in my cup. "Digs is setting up a security system and Oliver is staying with me. I'm sure between the two of us we can manage pretty well." 

"Yes, but you should still be very vigilant-" 

"Felicity? Felicity Smoak?" A voice from behind me said. I turned around, my eyes drifting over the man who called my name. In the back of my head a reminder flashed that I knew him, but I simply couldn't put a name to the face. "It's Peter! Peter Collins? From MIT!" 

It clicked. Yes, Peter Collins from MIT. "Oh my gosh, Peter. What are you doing here?" 

He sent me a confused look, but didn't lose his smile, "I'm getting coffee, Felicity.." 

Nyssa laughed then and shook her head, "Oh, Oliver, watch out..." She said under her breath. 

"No, I mean what are you going in Starling City...? Shouldn't you be back east?" I asked. Peter was a very sweet guy. We had a few classes together in MIT, but were never super close. 

"Oh, duh!" He said, smacking himself on the forehead. "Yeah, I just got here this morning so I'm still kinda jet-lagged. Yeah, I'm going some site seeing and stuff. But, wow, I mean, I love the blonde. I almost didn't recognize you without the purple and black hair!" 

Nyssa chocked on her coffee and turned away so he couldn't see her laughing face. "Oh, yeah, uhh.. I guess I changed it after you graduated.."

"Well it looks great," he said, his smile beaming. The barista called his name and he grabbed his coffee. "Well, it was great seeing you again. Maybe we can catch up over a meal sometime." 

"Oh I'm already... I mean.. sure, we'll see." I was going to tell him that I was in a relationship,(  _Sorry, my vigilante boyfriend would put and arrow in between your eyes)_ but, I came back to the same problem I was having before. Was he my boyfriend. Were we officially together? He waved and left the shop. I turned back to Nyssa who had composed herself. 

"Old boyfriend?" She asked, still smiling. 

"Oh God, no," I scrunched up my face even thinking about it, "I really didn't talk to him that much." 

She shook her head and had a bite of her muffin. "Oh, wow. Thank you for ordering me this, it is incredible." 

I smiled, "The power of the muffin is unlimited." We gabbed for a while longer before realizing what time it was. If I was going to be done with the paperwork at a reasonable hour I needed to get back. We stood outside One More Cup and embraced in a hug. I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. "One more training session? Tomorrow morning, name your time." 

She grinned at me. "Five thirty in the foundry?"

"Perfect." We said our goodbyes and I walked back to the office, making sure to keep an open ear out for any suspicious activity. When I was back safely at my desk I sent Oliver a quick text that I was back and nothing had happened. Then I dove into my work. 

* * *

 

 The sound of my phone ringing woke me up. I gasped and flailed around searching for it desperately. I grabbed it and swiped without even looking at who it was. "Hello?" My voice was scratchy and weak, as I tried to wake myself up more. 

 _"Felicity? Are you okay? What's wrong?"_ Oliver's voice was distraught and laced with fear. It woke me up a little bit. 

"Nothing, Honey," I said, and cringed. I never really called him that and I really wasn't sure why I started now. "Sorry, I fell asleep, the phone woke me up." 

 _"But you're alright?"_ He said, his voice still panicky. 

"I'm okay, Oliver, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I glanced at the clock and saw that it was eleven thirty. I groaned internally, dropping my head to my hand. I still had some of paperwork to do. I hadn't mean to fall asleep. 

_"Okay, I'm sorry, I just got nervous. It had been a while since you answered my text and I was afraid.."_

"I'm sorry." 

I heard him sigh. _"Don't be, you did nothing wrong. But it is really late. Will you yell at me if I come pick you up now?"_

I let out a chuckle, "since when did me yelling stop you from doing something?" 

 _"Since I found out just how scary your loud voice can be."_  

I laughed, "Oh, Oliver. Yes, you can come pick me up. Just take your time, I have a few more things to finish up." 

I heard him chuckle, _"Okay. I'll pick you up soon, okay?"_

"Okay." I said, gathering up my paperwork and seeing how long I thought it would take me to do it. 

 _"Felicity?"_ He said, and something in his voice made me stop and focus completely on him. 

"Yes?" 

_"I love you."_

My heart swelled in my chest and I had to close my eyes against the surge of emotion. I was never going to get tired of hearing that. "I love you, too." We hung up and I sat there, smiling like an idiot for a moment. Only the intercom button pulled me out of my thoughts. I pressed the buzzer, "Elizabeth, what are you still doing here?" 

"Mr. Palmer requested I stay here until you wake up." 

I shook my head, feeling terrible. Damn, I was really causing people a lot of grief today. "Oh, Elizabeth, I'm so sorry. Next time that happens either ignore him and leave or wake me up." 

"Oh, it's fine, Ms. Smoak. Anyway, you actually have a client here asking to see you." My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. It was eleven-thirty at night. "I would have told him it was too late," she explained, "but he says that it's very important." 

I sighed and ran a hand over my hair. "Okay, sure, send him in, I suppose. And head home, it's much too late for you to be here. Don't worry if you come in late tomorrow." I cleaned up my desk and did a quick check of my analysis. Still nothing. I saw him walking to the door and stood to meet him. He was a slightly older man, not too far over middle aged. His hair was salt and pepper and his beard was short and well trimmed, but still visible graying. He wore a nice, crisp business suit and thick, black-framed glasses. I walked to the other side of my desk as he entered and held out my hand. "Felicity Smoak. And you are?" 

"David. David Martin. I'm sorry to be bothering you this late at night," He said. His eyes were clear blue and something about his face seemed shockingly familiar. But when he spoke I felt a tug on my heart. Did I know this man?

I motioned for him to sit and he did. I walked around my desk and smoothed out my pants before sitting in my chair, crossing my legs and tilting to the side. I debated asking him if we had met, but seeing as he introduced himself, I figured I was just being paranoid. "What exactly can we do for you?"

He leaned back, reaching his hand into his jacket and pulling out a manila envelope. He threw it down on my desk and I jumped at the  _thud_ it made. "Not we, per say,  _you._ I'm sorry to be blunt, but I've been waiting for you to wake up for quite some time now and I have other places to be." 

My breathing stalled for a moment as what he just said truly hit me. I looked down at the envelope he threw at me and saw my name written on it. I closed my eyes, fear coursing through me. It was the same handwriting as the letter on my bed. "What do you want?" 

He pulled out a cigaret at lit it, puffing away in my office. I coughed and he just smiled at me. "In that envelope there is a picture of a man. I need you to find him and tell me everything there is to know on him. Knowing your history it should be an easy task for you." 

I simply looked at the envelope without opening it up. "It seems like something you seem more than capable of doing on your own." 

He smirked and the side of his mouth pulled up, "It does seem that way. But I'd like you to do it, Ms... Smoak, correct? Think of it as a trial run. You have until tomorrow to figure out what you need to. If at that time I find your work satisfying I will unveil to you what else I have in store. Do I make myself clear?" 

I narrowed my eyes at him, tensing my muscles so I was ready to fight at any time. "And if I refuse?" 

He just smiled and put out his cigaret. "I think we both know that you're much too curious to let something like this go, Ms. Smoak." He stood then and walked to the door. He looked over his shoulder at me, "I'll be in contact with you at some point tomorrow. So be ready." And then he was gone.

I couldn't do anything but stare out in shock. Barely a moment passed by when I heard a  _ding_ from my computer. I clicked on the handwriting analysis results and my blood ran cold. _That can't be possible._

I grabbed the note off of my desk and sprinted out of my office, racing down to the street. He was walking away by the time I reached the sidewalk. "Wait!" I screamed and he turned around. My breath was coming in short huffs and my head was speeding away. I slowly walked closer to him. When I spoke my voice was barely above a whisper. "Your name isn''t David Martin. Well, it is, but it isn't. Martin is your middle name. Your last name is Alston. You're my father." 

He smiled now, so widely I could see his teeth. He stepped towards me and ran a hand down the side of my face. Tears sprung to my eyes and I stood perfectly still. "I missed you, Licity," he whispered, then turned abruptly and disappeared into the shadows. 

My legs were shaking much too violently for me to follow him. I couldn't do anything but stand in that spot, eyes glues to the place where he disappeared. Thoughts raced around in my mind and I knew that if I didn't calm down I was going to pass out. 

"Felicity?" A voice called, and the next thing I recognized was Oliver's worried face boring down into mine. "What are you doing out here? What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." 

I tried to slow my breathing down as I shook my head slightly. "I... I thought I saw...I...." I couldn't get the words past my lips. 

"Hey," He murmured, pulling me into his arms, wrapping me up tightly, "You're okay, you're safe. It's just us, no one else. No one is ever going to hurt you again." I wrapped my arms around him tucking my head under his chin, pulling myself as tightly to him as I possible could. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "Come on, let's get you home. Huh?" He pulled back and laced his fingers through mine. I nodded my head and let him pull me weakly to the car. 

But as we drove away I stared at the spot where he disappeared into the shadows. 

_My Father._


	4. Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! I'm sorry for the delayed update. I actually found myself in the hospital, so I wasn't able to work on this at all. So I'm deeply sorry, and I PROMISE that I will do better in the future! Thanks for sticking around!

I woke slowly, feeling my head raise and fall with Oliver's chest. I smiled to myself, snuggling in closer to him. His heart beat steadily under my ear and the rhythm of it nearly lulled me back to sleep. Memories of my dreams slowly surfaced to my brain. I dreamt of my father. Of a mission. _Weird_. That was twice that my father came in my mind in a matter of days. I sighed and shook my head slightly, pushing the memories out of my mind. I placed a kiss over his heart and he stirred, wrapping his arms around me. 

"Good morning," He said, and his voice was husky and raspy with sleep. His eyes were still closed, but a small smile played on his lips. 

I looked at the clock and saw that it was only a little after four. "I'm sorry," I said, my voice not much better, "I didn't mean to wake you."

He sighed, wrapping his arms around me more tightly and pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "I can't think of a better way to be woken up." I smiled and turned so I was laying on my stomach on his chest. I crossed my hands and rested my chin on top of them. He opened one eye slightly and smiled. Slowly both of them opened and he turned to look at the clock, letting out a groan as he read the time. When he turned to look back at me, he picked up a strand of my hair and twirled it between his fingertips. "Even this early in the morning you're beautiful." 

I felt my cheeks go hot and could practically picture the shade of pink they turned. I scooted up his chest and pressed a light kiss on his lips. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to sweet-talk me, Mr. Queen." 

He chuckled then, letting my hair drop and cupping my face. His eyes searched mine for a moment before he spoke. "Couldn't sleep?" 

I shrugged my shoulders, "Honestly, I'm not sure why I woke up. I did have strange dreams, though. One involving my father, which is weird. But," I offered, "If it makes you feel better as soon as I realized I'd woken up on your chest I couldn't stop smiling." 

His eyes crinkled at the sides and he leaned down and captured my mouth in a slow, simmering kiss. "It does make me feel better. I'll feel even better, though," He admitted, nuzzling his nose into my cheek, "If you were waking up on my chest in  _my_ apartment, where I know you're truly safe." 

I sighed,  _and the moment was gone._ "Oliver, I'm safe here, too." 

He sat up then, and pulled me with him, his arms wrapping around me, pulling me to his side. "Felicity, I really don't think you're taking this seriously enough." 

"Oliver, I'm trained now. I'm technically... an assassin," I saw the sadness that flashed through his eyes when I said it and felt a small sting. I just waited for him to push me away, to say he didn't want me anymore. But so far that moment hadn't come. 

He frowned at me. "It still isn't a good idea to be on your own. No matter how...  _trained_... you are. I can't be here all the time and I hate the idea of you being alone. At least if you were in my apartment they won't know where you are. Whoever it was clearly knows that you live here, Felicity."

Memories of my dreams were scraping at my mind. An envelope. The distinct smell of smoke. The chime of the handwriting analysis finishing. I pushed them down, telling myself that they were just dreams. Nothing more. Oliver's face grew concerned and I tried to snap myself out of it. "Can we fight about this later? I need to get ready to meet Nyssa."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Meet Nyssa?"

I searched his face for a second. "Did I not tell you about this? Clearly I didn't, because then you wouldn't be confused... duh.. Anyway. She has to go back to be the whole new Ra's Al Ghul and all. She's leaving today and we wanted to get one last training session in before she left." I noticed his jaw clentch at my words. "Unless you don't want me to?"  _  
_

He sighed and closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them again they were sad, "Of course you can, Felicity. I just... it's difficult for me. When I think of training, especial with Nyssa, who I'm sure isn't very.. lenient.. It's just.. not something I associate with you, yet."

I crossed my legs and looked down at my hands. For a second they flashed and were covered in blood. But by the time I blinked they were back to normal. "I'm... I'm sorry, Oliver. If I'm not who you want anymore... I understand. You don't.. you don't have to stay with me. You don't owe it to me or anything." 

He gasped and my head snapped up to his. Shock reflected in his blue eyes. "Felicity... that's not what I meant, at all. Sweetie," he said, and my heart fluttered. I loved when he called me little names like that. He reached for me then, grabbing my face between his hands. "I love you. For every part of you. We all are of different shades of ourselves. This is just a new shade of you. I just need to get used to it. When I think of it, I just. I feel like I've failed you. I was suppose to protect you so you didn't have to be hard like that to survive." 

I raised my hand up and placed it over his heart. "Oliver, it wasn't your fault. What were you suppose to do? I didn't exactly make it easy on you. You and I both know that Ra's had a plan in mind and he was going to make it happen one way or the other." 

"I should have been strong enough to stop him."

Now it was my turn to gasp. I reached up and grabbed his wrists. "Oliver. You are the strongest person I've ever known. Going after Ra's, alone, surrounded by  _his_ army, would have been suicide. No one would have been able to fight their way out of that. Oliver, I would do everything again, the same exact way, if I knew you were safe. So don't think that I blame you, or think you're weak. And you shouldn't think that either. This guilt that you feel," I dropped a hand and splayed it over his heart, "it's not yours to bear. You're not alone in this. We all made decisions that lead to what happened. Most of them were even made without your knowledge. So do not, for a second, blame yourself for any part of this. If we're placing blame I deserve most of it." 

"Hey," He snapped, his eyes strong and clear, "no, don't you do that either. You did what you needed to do. What Ra's made you do. You gave up everything to save the people you love, Felicity, no one can fault you for that." 

I smiled, feeling the warmth of his words settle in. "There, I think our argument is done." He smiled and leaned in to kiss me. I returned the kiss and he wrapped his arms back around me. I let myself mold to him, a fire making its way in my body. He slanted his lips over mine and moved his hand so he was cupping my jaw and I shivered, pressing closer to him. I ran my hand up his chest and tangled my fingers in the short hair on the back of his head. But my alarm clock pulled us out of our tangled fire. I sighed, pressing it off and looking back at him. His eyes were dark with desire and covers were pooled in his lap, showing far too much skin than should be allowed when I had places to be. "Damnit, Nyssa..." I whispered, climbing out of bed. I heard him chuckling as I made me way to the bathroom. By the time I was dressed I was running late. 

He was still in bed, his eyes drooping back to sleep. I walked over him and pressed my lips to his forehead, causing them to open fulling and look up at me. "Do you want me to come with you?" He asked. 

I shook my head, "No, you look so tired. Stay, sleep. If we're being honest, I need to get into the office after to finish up some paperwork and check on the analysis. So you have some time to yourself." 

He smiled and gave me a quick kiss. "How about I pick you up for lunch?" 

I nodded patting his face before turning and grabbing my purse and duffle bag, "Sounds fantastic. Enjoy yourself!" I threw over my shoulder as I walked out the door. When I got to the foundry Nyssa was already waiting for me.

She raised her eyebrow at me, a smiling hinting on her face. "Sleep in, did we?" 

I smiled, throwing my bags down and stripping out of my sweatshirt and sweatpants, leaving me in a sports bra and booty shorts. "I was awake on time, I swear. It's all Oliver's fault." Now both her eyebrows raised and she tilted her head, smirking at me. " _No,_ not like  _that."_

She laughed, "Whatever you say. Just get your gloves on. It's time to hit the bags." 

Surprised excitement coursed its way through me at the thought of punching the bags. I never would have thought that I'd come to enjoy this, but it was releasing in a way. I understood why Oliver pushed himself when he was frustrated. We started slowly, and I cringed at the pull of my stitches in my stomach. We worked on combos, upper body attacks, lower body attacks. An hour and a half later we were both panting and about done. 

"You're doing well, despite the stitches," She commented, her tone impressed, "how's the thigh holding up?" 

I looked down at my thigh then. If we're being honest, I almost forgot that Oliver shot an arrow through it not that long ago. _I totally needed to use that as leverage later._  I bent my knee, focusing on the feel of the muscles. They were a little strained, but nothing I couldn't fight through. I turned back to the bag, taking a few steps back before jumping up and grabbing the chain that held it up. I wrapped my legs around the middle of the bag and crossed my ankles, letting go of the chains and holding on by just my legs. My thigh burned lightly, but I could easily ignore it. "It's fine," I answered, still hanging upside down. 

She chuckled and walked over to the table, grabbing my fighting stick. "One last exercise?"

I grinned, holding up my fists in a fighting position, still hanging upside down. I knew were this was going. "Hell yes." 

She swung the stick at my face and I pulled myself up quickly before it hit. I tapped the top of of the bag before dropping down back into my little bat position. We continued this for the next couple of minutes. My torso was on fire. Who would have thought that the girl who couldn't do five sit ups on her own was now doing mid-air sit ups. But I felt the strain on my stitches and knew that I wasn't going to be able to keep up for much longer. 

 _But you have to, my dear Felicity,_ I could practically hear Ra's saying to me,  _do you want to be the reason your precious family dies? The reason your Oliver dies?_

The voice was so clear in my head that I ignored the burning of my muscles. My heart was racing in actual fear that they would be hurt. In the back of my head I recognized the voices coming down the stairs to belong to Oliver and Dig, but I subconsciously pushed that recognition down, focusing on the training at hand, afraid to disappoint Ra's... I mean Nyssa. Right? Nyssa swung a few more times, and I curled myself up each time. But the next time my muscles didn't react quickly enough and I took a sharp  _slap_ across the face. 

" _Nyssa_!" I heard Oliver exclaim, but I ignored it.

From the look in Nyssa's eyes, she did, too. She swung a few more times and I barely dodged them in time, really feeling the strain on my thigh and stitches. "Core Felicity!" She exclaimed, stepping closer to me and giving me a tough  _whack_ on my side with her hand, "you cannot afford to lose your core!" She spun widely, jumping up and attempting to deliver a roundhouse kick to my face, but I dodged it, turning back and grabbing her foot, flipping her onto her back with a  _crash._ Thankfully she just chuckled and stayed on the floor. "Well done, Felicity." 

I pulled up one last time, taking hold of the chain and dropping myself down onto the floor, sparing a look at a stunned Oliver and Diggle. I leaned over, resting my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath, "Learned from a pretty chill teacher. Seriously, though, if this who Leader of the League of Assassins doesn't work out for you, you have a promising career as a personal trainer." She laughed and hopped up. I turned myself to face Oliver, who's mouth was slack with shock. 

"Damn, Felicity," John said, shaking his head, "that was fucking intense." 

I smiled and tried to take a step forward, but a sharp pain shot up my thigh. I nearly toppled over when Oliver caught me by my elbow and steadied me. "Sorry, sorry," I said, shifting myself so I was leaning against the table. I stretched out my leg, trying to ease the tightness "I'm fine, just overdid it a bit. Apparently arrow wounds take a little while to heal..." 

"Arrow wounds..." Diggle said trailing off before looking between Oliver and me. He turned to Oliver then. "Did you shoot her with an  _arrow?_ " He asked, stunned. 

Oliver opened his mouth and quickly shut it again, looking down at the floor and muttering, "I didn't know it was Felicity, at the time..." 

I smiled, squeezing his massive arm in reassurance. "Don't worry Digs, I kicked his ass for it." His eyebrows raised into his hairline as he sent a look at Oliver. 

"Only because I was distracted!" He defended, a smile tugging at the side of his mouth.

My heart felt light. I was nervous that he would feel guilty about it, but his ability to joke about it gave me hope. Maybe they truly would be able to accept this new version of myself. "Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Queen," I said, placing my hands on his waist. He smiled and pressed a kiss to my forehead, holding his lips there for a few seconds. 

Nyssa cleared her throat and Oliver turned back to face her. She smiled at me before turning to John. "It was a pleasure to see you again, Mr. Diggle. All the happiness to your family." 

John stepped foreward and shook her hand, "Best wishes, Nyssa. Do me a favor and keep the League away from us for a while, if you don't mind." 

She laughed lightly, "I can do that." She turned to Oliver now and the two embraced in a quick hug. "Take care of yourself. But more importantly take care of  _her_." She tilted her head to me and I rolled my eyes at her. 

He looked to me and gave my hand a quick squeeze. "I plan to. You take care of yourself as well." 

Finally it was my turn. I stepped towards her and wrapped my arms tightly around her, my heart constricting in my chest. Our friendship had flourished on the island. I needed her to stay alive, and for some reason she felt the need to make sure I stayed that way. I wasn't sure if it was just our friendship or is she saw some of Sara in me. Either way, it was going to be really difficult to not have her with me."I'll miss you so much." 

She hugged me back, "I"ll miss you, as well, my sister." She pulled back and grabbed my face in her hands, "Be well, Felicity. Remember all I've told you. Live your life. Be safe." 

My eyes filled with tears and I nodded. "You'll come visit me?" 

She nodded. "I will." She took a step back and walked to the stairs. "Take care. And tell the little fire starter that if my island is too bad he's required to come help with the clean up." We all laughed as she walked away.  

Oliver wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I leaned my head against him. He pressed a kiss to my head. I turned an pressed my lips to his shoulder quickly before stepping away and grabbing my duffle bag. It was then that I realized just how few clothes I had on. My cheeks flushed with heat and I looked at Diggle out of the corner of my eyes. But if he noticed, he was hiding his reaction well. "Alright, boys," I said, walking towards the showers, "I'm getting changed and heading to the office. I'll see you both later." 

I walked away and went to get dressed and pretend not to hear Diggle mutter, ' _That was some tough ass training she was doing. Makes you look like a toddler."_

* * *

When I walked into my office my world stopped. I stared at the desk and saw the envelope with my name neatly written across it. It all came rushing back to me then. The meeting the mission. It wasn't a dream. It was actually my father. And he needed answers today. I sat in my chair and tried to control my shaking. My breathing was coming too quickly and I knew I needed to calm down or I was going to hyperventilate. I stood on shaky legs and stumbled over to the chair Oliver had spend the day in yesterday. It still smelt like him and I closed my eyes and focused on taking deep breaths. It wasn't for a few more moments that I realized I had picked up the envelope and was clutching it so tightly that my knuckles were white. I sighed, allowing myself one more moment to bask in Oliver's lingering presence before I stood on strong legs and walked back over to my desk. 

When I sat I opened the envelope and pulled out the picture of the man. He had jet black hair that was longer and curly. His eyes were green and peircing, even through the photograph. His cheek bones were exceedingly prominent, something I didn't think was all that common when it came to men. Light freckles scattered themselves across them. His lips were drawn tight in a straight emotionless line. At the bottom of the picture, in what I now recognized as my father's handwriting was the name 'Isaiah Travens.'

I scanned the picture into my computer and quickly hacked into the FBI database, borrowing their facial recognition program to see if I could get any recent hits on him. I knew that would take a while, so while I was waiting for that I typed into his name and filtered through articles that popped up. He looked like a low level mobster, really more of... I guess the mob world's Executive Assistant... I smiled to myself, thinking I was clever, but when I clicked on an article with a picture, the smile wiped itself off of my face and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The picture in the article wasn't the same man. This man had tanned skin, with brown hair and almost black eyes. I shook my head and clicked on more articles. Three pictures later I was sure that Isaiah Travens and the man in the picture my father gave me were not the same man. 

I sighed and grabbed my tablet, putting together a document about Isaiah. I kept glancing back to the facial recognition program, hoping that it was going to be done soon. I wasn't expecting to do intel on two different people and I had to worry about Oliver coming for our lunch date. 

_Oliver._

My stomach dropped. I had to tell him, but I didn't know how. We had a relationship that I didn't keep secrets from him, but the thought of telling him that I brought more trouble into our lives terrified me. I was lucky enough that he was accepting my new self, I would really be pushing it asking him to learn about my old-old self, too. I thought for a moment that I was going to be sick. If there was one thing I knew in this situation, it was that I didn't want to lose him. 

I turned back to my computers and typed in my father's name. _David Martin Alston_. It felt so foreign. I still couldn't believe that I hadn't recognized him right away. I hadn't seen him since I was a little girl, but it seemed like a poor excuse when it came to recognizing your father. As soon and he left, my mother got rid of everything that she felt was tainted by him. I hadn't protested. He certainly wasn't the most loving of parents. I ground my teeth together, trying to push away the memories that surfaced in my mind. 

I finally got a hit on my father. It wasn't much to go off of at all. It seemed that he usually dropped the name Alston and stuck with David Martin. My stomach dropped as I looked further into him.  He seemed to pop up wherever I was. When I was in MIT there were articles of him up in Massachusetts, not too far from the school. And when I graduated and moved here it seemed like he settled himself in a town outside of Starling. Was he following me? Keeping tabs on me? I scolded myself for not looking into him sooner. 

The articles were all about suspicions. He was never convicted of anything, but it seemed that he was accused of being quite the mob boss himself.  _It made sense,_ I thought, thinking of Isaiah's info. I scanned back through the articles and saw he followed the same pattern my father did. I guess he wanted me to check his people out for myself. He could have just asked. 

Finally my computer  _binged_ , telling me that the facial recognition scan was complete. The man in the picture's name was Jack Jessup. He was a higher level in the mob scene, and if my suspicions were correct, he was my father's right hand man. I wasn't surprised when his timeline matched my father's. I shook my head, staring at my screen, trying to come to terms with the fact that my father had traded in a family for a mafia. 

 _But what did he want now?_ I needed to find that out. Especially before I came to Oliver about this. If my father really was involved in the Mafia then I didn't want him to know any more about Oliver than he needed to. He had to think that he was just my boss, or at the very most a distant friend. I couldn't be the reason that Oliver was in any more danger, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. 

I sighed and put the picture back in the envelope, tucking it and the research I accumulated into my bag. I knew that it wasn't lunch time yet, but I couldn't stay in the office any longer. I slung my bag over my shoulder and told Elizabeth that I didn't feel well and was going home to the remainder of the day. As I walked home I sent Oliver a quick text letting him know that I was heading back to the apartment. I kept my wits about me as I walked, more sensitive to my surroundings than I usually was. I stopped into One More Cup and got coffee for me and Oliver, smiling to myself when I thought of how I told him I wouldn't bring him coffee. I could make an exception once. _Just once._

In barely any time I was unlocking my door and stepping inside. I had barely made it two steps in when a _wolf_ jumped up at me. I let out a scream, the coffee flying through the air and landing on my hardwood floors. "What the hell?" I shrieked, bringing my hands up to my face and trying to protect myself. But when the wolf didn't attack again I lowered them slightly and peaked at it from behind my fingers.  _Oh._ It wasn't a wolf, but a dog. A gorgeous, snowy, husky. It's blue eyes were staring up at me, it's face tilted. 

"Baby, where did you wonder off too?" I heard Oliver mutter as he rounded the corner coming from my bedroom, looking around as he walked. When his eyes landed on me they widened until I was sure they were going to burst, and he skidded to a stop, nearly flinging himself to the ground. "Fel-Felicity. What are you doing back already?" 

I raised my eyebrows at him and opened my mouth. "I sent you a text. Did you bring a _wolf_ into my apartment, Oliver?" I asked, the confusion filling my voice. 

He raised his hand up, brining it to the back of his head and rubbing his hair. "I- uhh- really didn't think you'd be home yet.. I... I can explain..." 

"Oh, yeah, please," I said, the hysteria bubbling up in my voice, "Please, do explain." 

He swallowed hard and walked towards me, his hands up in a gesture that said _'surrender.'_ His head was ducked and he walked slowly, as if I was going to lunge at him like an angry.... well, wolf. The dog whined and trotted over to him, weaving between his legs as he walked. "Well, you see. Diggle and I were walking and there was this dog adoption thing going on and well.. I just..." He looked down at the dog, holding out for mere seconds before crouching down and petting it. He looked up at me and the happiness in his eyes shocked me. "I looked into his eyes and they were the same shade of blue as yours." 

I felt my heart soften when I looked into his eyes. "So you adopted him?" 

"For you," he said, just a tinge of guilt in his voice. He stood then and walked over to me, glancing at the spilled coffee and carefully walking around it before running his hands up and down my arms. "I just... I thought that if you had a dog you wouldn't be alone in the apartment when I wasn't there. And then maybe we can both sleep a little easier knowing the dog will be sensitive to noises. And I just," He looked back down at the dog and smile, "his eyes were just your shade of blue, Felicity." 

I shook my head, but couldn't help but smile. I found it so incredibly sweet that he adopted a dog for me, I couldn't even be mad at him. "What about my landlord...?" 

"I already talked to him," He reassured, his eyes were so eager and earnest, "he must have a soft spot for you because it barely took any persuading for him to agree." 

I looked at the dog, who was sitting with his head tilted and one ear up and one folded. I turned back to Oliver and my face grew serious. "This is kind of a big step, Oliver." I remembered him admitting that he went away with Sara because Laurel said she wanted to move in together. Now it seemed like we were living together  _and_ sharing custody of a furry, four-legged child... 

"I know," He said, and his eyes dropped for a second before coming back and holding mine hostage. They were so crisp, so clear. I wasn't sure if I had even seen him this determined. "But, Felicity. When I-When I thought I lost you, on the island. I felt hollow. I felt like a shell of myself." He reached his hand up and cupped my cheek, "But getting you back. Felicity, I never want to let you go again. I can't lose you. The one thing I'm sure of is I'm ready. I'm ready to commit, I'm ready to settle down. I've never loved someone the way I love you," He raised his other hand so my face was entirely framed, "So if you're ready for this, so am I. Ready and willing." 

My eyes brimmed with tears and I pressed my lips against his softly. "Oliver Jonas Queen," I whispered, "I love you." I wrapped my hands around his wrists. "I'm ready." 

He smiled so brightly and wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up and spinning me in a circle, causing the dog to bark excitedly and jump slightly. I let out a shrieking laughter, surprised at his playfulness. He pressed a quick, noisy kiss to my mouth, "I love you, too. You won't regret this, I promise." 

I smiled. "I'll hold you to that. What's it's name?" 

"Baby," he said, and the dog trotted over to us. "They said we can try to rename him if we want, but he's had the name for two years now." 

"No, I love it," I said. More like I loved hearing Oliver say the name 'Baby', but hey, a win's a win. "It's perfect. Hello, Baby," I crouched, ready to meet the excited dog. He gave me a swift lick across my face before nuzzling his head into my shoulder and wrapping his body around me. I laughed and scratched his fur.

Oliver beamed down at us. "I have toys in the bedroom for him. I already bought him everything he needs. How about I clean up the coffee spill and you and Baby go bond in your room." 

I nodded my head and stood. "Just not in the corner, because nobody puts Baby there!" I exclaimed. When he just stared at me, I sighed. "You have no excuse on that one, that movie came out long before you were stuck on the island. Come on, Baby," I said, clapping my hand against my thigh, "let's go set up Dirty Dancing so we can all educate silly Oliver on classic, cheesy films." 

* * *

 

When I woke up Baby and I were the only ones in bed. I frowned a little, wondering how long I fell asleep for and where Oliver wandered off to. I stretched out and laughed at how Baby was sleeping all sprawled out on his back. If Oliver hoped this dog would be some kind of a guard dog, he was clearly mistaken. I gave his belly a little scratch before climbing from the bad and stumbling clumsily across my bedroom out into the hall.

"Oliver?" I called out, hoping that he was just in the living room. When I reached the end of the hallway I saw a note sitting on the kitchen counter. I picked it up.

**_Going to train with Diggs for a few, then I'll be home with dinner. Big Belly Burger, your favorite. I love you. -O._ **

I smiled, a warmth spreading from my heart. And to think a few days ago I was afraid that he was going to reject me. Here I was, standing in an apartment I was sharing with the man I loved, our dog asleep in bed, and knowing he was going to come home with dinner. I didn't think I could possibly deserve this much happiness.

"Who's Oliver?" A voice called out from my living room. 

I let out a small scream and jumped back. When I looked back up I recognized the man sitting on my couch, one leg crossed over the other, a cigarette held lazily between two fingers. I straightened my back, trying to keep my posture strong and unmoving. 

"Hello, Father." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry for the delayed update. I'm still not 100%, but I definitely plan on being better about it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	5. Cheshire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to seriously thank the people who are sticking with this story. Unfortunately I had taken a turn for the worse and ended up back in the hospital. But I think I'm actually all better now and will be able to post chapters regularly again. So thank you for not giving up on me now.

_"Who's Oliver?" A voice called out from my living room._

_I let out a small scream and jumped back. When I looked back up I recognized the man sitting on my couch, one leg crossed over the other, a cigarette held lazily between two fingers. I straightened my back, trying to keep my posture strong and unmoving._

_"Hello, Father,_ " I responded, trying to buy myself some time. My mind had halted to a stop when I saw him. I took in his presence for a second, my breath stalled in my chest. I felt small, like the child I was when I last saw him. The feeling shook me to my core.

"Who is Oliver?" He asked again, standing this time. His frame seemed so much bigger standing up. Much more intimidating. He wasn't at all as I remembered as a little girl, although, I will admit that I don't remember very much. He took a drag of the cigarette and let out a lazy puff of smoke. 

Then just as quickly as it shut off, my mind snapped back on and went into overdrive. "Oliver is my dog," I replied, more calm than I expected myself to be. "Oliver, come here, Baby," I called, working his name into the sentence so he would actually come. The jingle of his collar echoed through the house until he was sitting by my side. I scratched in between his ears. "Good boy, Oliver, Baby." 

"Ahh," He said, nodding. He walked over to the window and opened it slightly, flicking the cigarette out of it. "Interesting choice of names. For a dog, I mean. I was expecting a Max." 

I squared my shoulders. "Did you really come here to lecture me on what I decided to name my dog, though?" 

A slow chuckle rumbled from his chest as he shook his head, turning back to me. "No, no, you're right. Always have been, Chessy." I ground my teeth together at the mention of the childhood nickname, doing my best to push down the memories associated with it. My memories of him were dim, poisoned by time. I didn't want to remember the pain associated with him. The mental trauma, even the not so rare bruises that came with him. He looked so put-together now. Nothing like the jumbled memories my childhood mind recalled for me. "Did you do your homework?" 

Resisting the urge to shake my head I slowly walked over to my bag, which was sitting on my coffee table. I pulled out the information I collected and stretched my arm out for him to grab it. "I was always very studious, but you would have known that if you had stayed. Which you didn't, so you don't." As far as my rambles went that was probably my shortest. I was slightly proud of myself and part of me wished that Oliver was here to hear it. 

He looked at me seriously for a second and I could have sworn that I saw regret in his eyes. "I had my reasons for leaving, Chessy." 

"Reasons I'm not interested in," I declared, my voice strong and crisp. My shoulders were still square and my jaw was set. I tried to channel my inner Oliver. Well, to be specific, I tried to channel my inner Oliver-As-The-Arrow. "If you wanted me to look into your team, you could have just asked me. You didn't have to go all _'mysterious estranged father_ ' on me. I don't like when people waste my time." 

His eyebrow curved in amusement and the corner of his lips pulled up in a smirk. "I had to make sure that you were a well-rounded individual." 

I scoffed, dropping a hand on my hip and walking back over to the kitchen, distancing myself from him. "Again, I go back to my comment about you staying. What you gave me was child's play." 

"Again, well rounded." He tucked the folder into his jacket pocket, seeming to have truly little interest in it for a man who decided to uproot my life over it. "Some of the most brilliant minds cannot solve the most simple of problems. I wanted to make sure that wasn't the case here. I have full faith that once I review the information you've compiled that will not be the case with you." 

I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering what was happening. I knew he had to have an angle I just wasn't sure what it could be. 

 _You have to try and think like him,_ I heard Ra's say. I turned my head slightly and saw him in my peripheral. My heart was hammering in my chest, my blood pumping so quickly that it was roaring in my ears. I shook my head ever so slightly trying to clear it. This was not the time to have a mental breakdown. I couldn't show weakness right now. I looked at the two ghosts in front of me and tried to focus on the only one who was actually here. But the other spoke instead.  _Think, Felicity. Why is he here right now? Why didn't he have you meet him? He has to be distracting you from something. Like a street magician. The important hand is always the one that doesn't appear to be moving._

He was right-I was right. Ugh, this was too much to mentally sort right now. Either way, the point was valid. "What's all this about, David?" I asked, switching to his name, not daring to call him Father again. "What do you really want from me?" 

He stilled for a moment then pushed his glasses up with his finger. It was a motion that I did so many times a day I actually felt the urge to do it myself now. "I was being truthful when I said I missed you, Licity." 

It was sad, how relieved I was that he switched to the more formal of my two nicknames. Maybe it was more sad that I had a formal nickname, though. "Possibly, but that's not all. Why are you here? What are you trying to distract me from?" 

His mouth opened slightly in shock for a moment, then quickly regained their former pose. His eyes had a twinge of pride in them, though. "You'll be getting a call soon, finding out. This last assignment was child's play, yes. But the next one certainly won't be. Let's see if you can get it. For now, it's time for me to go. I think you'll agree with me that currently I've overstayed my welcome. And I have a feeling your friend the Arrow will not be happy with me after this." 

Now it was my turn to let my jaw drop. "How did you know?" My voice came out barely over a whisper. 

He chuckled and walked to my front door, looking at me over his shoulder as he spoke. "I know much more than you think, Licity. I'll be speaking to you again soon." He walked out and I leaned on the counter for support as soon as the door shut behind him. 

 _You have to be quicker than that, Felicity. One step ahead. Have you already forgotten all of your training?_ Ra's said to me. I almost laughed at the comedy of the situation. Me, a supposed genius is getting advice from a man I killed in battle. The entire situation seemed like a Shakespearian play. Or maybe a poorly written fanfiction. 

My cell phone screamed in my pocket and I jumped. Baby groaned and nudged his head into my leg reassuringly and I reached down and scratched his head while I pulled out my phone and answered it. "Hello?" I answered, and cringed. My voice sounded terrified even to me. At least I had sounded strong while my fath-David was here. 

 _"Felicity? What's wrong."_ Oliver's last two words were a statement, not a question. It was his way of saying that he knew something was wrong, so I didn't dare say that nothing was. His way of saying that he cares. It made my heart swell momentarily, even in the drama of the day. 

"I just woke up," I lied, pinching my eyes shut as the guilt poured over me. We weren't these people. _I wasn't this person_. He was the one person in my life I didn't lie to, but now I felt like that's all I did to him. "I got nervous when I didn't see you. I'm sorry, it just startled me." 

 _"Shit, I'm sorry. I felt a note in the kitchen, but I should have left if closer to you. I just figured you'd go for coffee and see it. That was my fault."_ Guilt laced his voice, making mine even heavier on my chest.

"No, Oliver, you're okay. I'm fine. You did nothing wrong, I promise." 

I heard some mumbling on the other end and then clearly head Dig say ' _man, give me that'_ before I heard shuffling over the phone. _"Felicity, it's Diggle. We have much bigger problems right now, Oliver just doesn't want to be the one to break it to you."_

My heart sped up in my chest. Images of my father's goons threatening them flashed in my eyes and my throat almost closed up on me. "What's wrong, Digs?" 

 _"Felicity... it's your babies."_ He paused for a second and when he took in my silence his words came quickly. _"Someone must have hacked the system and they... well, they left a message for you."_

My breathing stalled for a moment. "What's the message?" I managed to asked, barely able to hear my own voice. I swallowed hard, trying to push down the lump in my throat. 

 _"Uhm..."_ He stalled and I heard Oliver say something to him in the background. _"You probably want to come see it for yourself."_

My heart dropped to my stomach. _Go,_ Ra's said,  _why are you still standing here?_ I shook my head violently and his mirage thankfully faded. I centered myself and practically ran to my bedroom grabbing my keys off the counter. "Be right there." 

* * *

I tore down the Foundry steps with silent feet, my newly learned assassin instincts kicking in. My hybrid ponytail was coming loose, and I could feel the strands flying around my face, but I did nothing to stop them because I was just too damn nervous. Oliver and John were sitting on my computers. Oliver's back was so tight the contours of his muscles were clearly defined through his tee-shirt. His hands were pressed on the sides on his neck, his fingers jutting out rigidly straight from his hands. John's foot was tapping on the floor in a steady rhythm. I rushed over to them and grabbed their arms. They both flew back, John actually falling out of his chair and Oliver standing up, ready for a fight. When his eyes met mine recognition flashed through them and he uncoiled some. 

"Jesus, Felicity!" John bit out, taking Oliver's outstretched hand. He made a grand show of wiping off his pants and sent me a more than pointed look while doing so. I tried giving him a little smile to pacify him, but he just shook his head at me. 

"Has no one told you not to sneak up on people?" Oliver asked, mimicking words I must have said to him a thousand times. 

I raised my eyebrows and tilted my head. "That is seriously  _rich_ coming from you. Now move over and let me see how bad my babies are." The two exchanged a look at stepped apart, allowing me a full view of my computers. I sucked in a breath when my brain registered what was on the screen. A glimmering glass bottle with pink liquid and a little cork top was virtually perched in the middle of my computer. Attached to it was a paper tag that had the words ' **Felicity- Decrypt Me** ' on it. Oliver's hand fell to my shoulder and gave a reassuring squeeze. "How long have they been like this?" 

"Since right before we called," Diggle answered, standing behind me and crossing his arms over his massive chest. "We didn't touch anything. Figured that we didn't know what we were doing so why mess with it. I don't know what he-well, I guess that was sexist-what whoever this is wants you to decrypt, though. It's just a picture." 

The wording and the dream-colored liquid in it told me exactly who it was.  _Chessy,_ my father's nickname for me, it stemmed from Cheshire. The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. "It's from-" 

"Alice in Wonderland." Oliver finished. Both Digs and I turned and gave him looks. "What?" He defended, "I was a child once, too." 

"The boy doesn't know any pop culture references at all, but knows Alice in Wonderland..." Digs muttered to himself. 

If i wasn't so damn nervous I would have laughed. But I was, so I didn't. I sank into my chair and clicked on the paper tag, knowing exactly what game my father was playing. The tag pulled away, popping the cork out and the bottle tipped, releasing the pink liquid onto the screen. As the liquid filled my monitor codes dotted their way across my screen, flooding my main one and spilling into the other screens I had hooked up. I sighed and shook my head, stretching out my fingers. I got to work on them right away, plugging in algorithms, binary codes, and override codes. Some of it was easy-peasy. Some of it was... not so much.

Oliver and Diggle had back away slightly and I could still feel their gazes switch between my screens and my fingers. Eventually they sat on the tables and silently observed. I stopped occasionally to stretch out my neck, but didn't take long to myself before I dove back into decrypting my father's message. He was right when he said this next task wouldn't be child's play. I tried not to think about how now Oliver and Diggle were tied into this now. Part of me dreaded decrypting the message because I didn't know what it would reveal to them. I couldn't exactly ask them to leave and hope they weren't going to ask for an explanation. What I didn't understand was why he wanted them involved. If he had just wanted me he would have hacked my personal computer, which he clearly didn't. So why them? What did he need? 

My skin turned cold at the very probable thought that he was so clearly threatening them. Using them as leverage against me. My fingers faltered and my breathing sped up, guilt and fear ripping through me. I couldn't let them get hurt, not because of me. I heard shuffling behind me and then a gentle hand was splayed on my shoulder. I turned my head and recognized it instantly as Oliver's. It was frightening how quickly it calmed me down. It was my anchor. He was. Without looking at him I bent my head and placed a small kiss on his hand. He squeezed my shoulder slightly before removing his hand and backing away. 

It took me almost an hour before I pumped up my fist in triumph. It took everything I knew and some things I honestly just guessed but I managed to decrypt it. The pink liquid slowly drained from my screens and a flash of the Cheshire Cat flashed across them before they opened to a filing system. 

"Woah, Blondie, that was seriously impressive," Roy said from right behind me. 

I let out a yelp and jumped. " _Jesus, Roy._ When did you even get here?" I practically shrieked at him. 

"Not so fun when it's you being scared, now is it...." Diggle muttered under his breath, and Oliver let out a breathy chuckle before my glare forced his eyes to the ground. Roy shrugged in apology and I shook my head, turning my attention back to my babies. 

"So what the hell is this folder then?" Oliver asked. 

I scanned it's preferences real quick and sighed. "Basically the encryption was just a super complicated way for hi- whoever this was to drop off a file to me. Something they could have done in a polite e-mail or maybe even sending a flash drive. They just wanted to see if I was good enough to hack it." 

"They clearly don't know you, then." Oliver answered. I turned to him and saw the intensity behind the statement. It was his way of telling me that I'm good enough. That I'm always good enough. My cheeks flushed and I had to drop his gaze, the rush of emotions left me stunned for a second. But then the guilt of what I'm keeping from him surged and sent my head back into the game. 

I scanned through the files and found some articles loosely referencing the Arrow. Really just minor criminals that we've taken down as a team. But then I found the folder within the file and my heart all but stopped. The folder's name was 'Smoak'. My breathing was strained as I simply stared at it, wondering what could possibly be in here. If I clicked on it and it had information about my father that was it. They would be involved no matter what I did. All truths would be bared and my boys would all be thrown into my chaos. 

"Open it, Felicity." Oliver's voice was dark behind me. I knew him well enough to know it was based off of fear, but it was enough that I didn't argue. I took a deep breath and tried to get my shaking hand to move the mouse enough to click on it. John placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me a slight nod of his head. I opened the folder and held my breath. 

My head tilted and I squinted my eyes at the sight before me. It was filled with pictures. Pictures of me at all ages. I clicked on the first one to view them as a slideshow. It was me sitting in a booth at a restaurant my mother worked at when I was little. It was dark in there and my nose was buried in a book. My natural auburn hair was in pigtails. The clock on the wall read two-thirty and based on how dark it was inside it certainly wasn't the afternoon. I let out a rush of air as all of those memories came back to me. The nights where I didn't have any time for sleep between the time we got home and the time I had to leave for school. All those afternoons trapped in booths while older men tried to strike up unwanted conversations with me. I shook my head and clicked through a few more. 

There were some from my frizzy high school years, before my gentle curls decided to loosen themselves up and get it together. Some of them had my mother in it, but most of them were just of me. I guess it didn't really help that I didn't particularly have a flush of friends growing up. I froze when I hit a picture of me from college. 

"Damn, Blondie!" Roy exclaimed, seeming stunned, his jaw was practically dragging on the floor. "I did not peg you as the goth type!"

"It's a little unnerving," Diggle admitted, leaning in closer to study the picture. "It's just I never pictured you as particularly angsty. You get frustrated and pissed, sure, everyone does. But  _this_ angsty? Knowing you now, you'd never know." 

I sighed and scrolled through some more pictures. "Angst and I were good pals growing up." I flicked my gaze to Oliver who remained silent. His expression was unreadable and I didn't know what to take from that. I squirmed a little, uneasy with nerves. after a few more pictures I had had enough. I closed out the file and returned my screens to usual. I turned to face my team who looked at me silently. After a few uncomfortable moments was Oliver who finally spoke first. 

"Can you track who sent you the file?" He asked, his features hard and tense. 

I slowly shook my head, glad I could actually be honest while answering this. "I can't. Whoever sent this deleted their trail. They're a professional. There wasn't even so much as a crumb for me to follow." 

He nodded his head and rubbed his forefinger and thumb together, a gesture I'd become all too familiar with over the years. "Then we have to figure out what this means. Because the way I look at it, it's a direct threat on you. They have articles on us, and they sent it to your computers here at the foundry. Clearly they know of your involvement with me and are threatening you because of it." 

I stood then and grabbed his hands, shaking my head. "No, you're not doing this. Those are pictures from my past. If someone's targeting me, it's because of  _me_  Oliver,not  _you_." 

"I just can't accept that," he said through a clenched jaw. 

Sensing the tension Diggle spoke up. "Listen, we're all tired and stressed. This drained a lot out of us. How about we all get out of here for an hour. Clear out minds and regroup. I don't know about you guys, but I could really go for some coffee." He looked over at me and offered a soft smile which I found myself returning. The man knew what I needed. 

Roy voiced his approval and Oliver gave a tense nod and with that we made our way to One More Cup. 

* * *

When we walked in I instantly felt calmer. I waved to the barista's- who knew me by name by now- and lead my boys to a table in the back. Oliver sat by the window and I dropped into the chair next to him, placing my hand on his bouncing leg. He stilled for a moment before draping his hand over mine. Diggle and Roy took the seats across from us and started looking at the menus. Already knowing what I was going to order I let my attention wonder to Oliver who was staring out the window. I was so caught up in my worry for him that I barely recognized the shrill voice that called out my name. 

" _Felicity Smoak?"_ She squealed and I reeled my head towards the dreadful sound. The redhead was standing in six inch sparkly stilettos which looked like they walked themselves right out of my mother's closet. Her black dressed scooped dangerously low and hugged her curves in all the right places. I heard Roy audibly gulp and lightly kicked him under the table. Her green eyes were looking at me expectantly and I tried to keep my expression light and not, well... annoyed as all hell. 

"Gianna?" I asked, only standing up halfway before she pulled me into a hug, pulling my against her uncomfortably close to her clearly fake breasts. 

"Honey, it's been so long!" She grabbed my shoulders and angled me back, "I almost didn't recognize you with the blonde! Is it true that you have more fun, now? I mean, it must be considering you didn't have  _any_ fun in college," she looked over my shoulder and met Oliver's confused gaze, "the girl was all work, no play if you know what I mean. Besides Cooper, but you must know how that worked out." 

I smiled bitingly at her, "What an absolute _treasure_ it is to run into you, Gianna." Wow, was my voice usually this high pitched? 

"Felicity?" A more familiar voice asked, and I turned slightly to see Peter. I tilted my head slightly and let myself be released by Gianna and pulling into another hug by Peter. I could have sworn I heard and angry  _huff_ from Oliver. "Funny seeing you here again." 

I pulled back and gave him an actual smile. "Clearly you don't remember my coffee addiction too well." Diggle cleared his throat and I looked over to the table, kind of dreading these introductions, but knowing they had to be made. "Gianna, Peter, this is Roy, and my friend John and my-" I stalled for a second, not knowing whether or not to introduce Oliver as my boyfriend or not.

"I'm her boyfriend," Oliver said, rising and holding a hand out to Peter in a not so subtle power move. "Oliver." 

Peter took it and his eyes grew wide at the force of Oliver's grip. " Oh, wow, that's strong." He said, wiggling from his clutch and shaking his hand out slightly. "Well, we won't interrupt any more. The wife and I were just sitting down for dinner anyway." 

My mouth dropped. "I'm sorry, wife?" I asked, clearly shocked.

Gianna squealed again and practically threw her hand out to me. "Yes! Check out this rock! It sure does pay to marry smart. The clever ones always seem to make the big bucks." She winked at me.

The diamond was flashy and big. It looked like it belonged pared with a halloween costume more than a wedding ring. "Wow, that sure is... shiny..."

"Isn't it precious?"  She asked, pulling back her hand and staring at the ring, audible sighing while doing so. "Well, anyway, we'll let you get back to it. Peter and I are here for business, so I'm sure we'll see you around. It was nice chatting! And what a lovely surprise to meet your friends!" I knew that she meant surprise because she didn't expect me to have any, but I let the comment slide. Peter muttered his goodbyes and they walked away. 

I sat back down and Roy sent me a smirk, "I prefer your hair now, too, Blondie." 

I rolled my eyes at him. "Sorry about that total awkward fest. Talk about coincidence, right?"

Before he answered a light flashed in my eye. I registered Oliver yelling ' _Get down!'_ before he slammed into me. As we fell to the ground I heard the sound of shattering glass and gun shots. 

 

 

 


	6. Suns Out Guns Out (Someone stop the puns, please)

As soon as we hit the ground Oliver was on top of me, his arms on either side of my head, his body flush against mine. In any other situation I wouldn't be able to hide my blush, but right now I was all instinct. I turned my head enough to see Roy and Diggle scramble behind the counter and felt instant relief. At least they were safe. I slid my hands up Oliver's arms and froze when I my right hand made contact with something warm and slick. My heartbeat sped up and all I wanted to do was hide him away from this. "How bad?" I asked, trying to keep the panic out of my voice. 

He kicked a strong leg back and managed to flip the table on its side, creating a barrier for us. He pulled me up and pressed my back against the table into his side. I shifted to look at his left arm. his sleeve was covering it, so I couldn't get a good look. "It's fine," He reassured me. I couldn't hold back my scoff. "Felicity," He snapped, trying to peer around the table, but hesitant because the stream of bullets had not slowed, "Don't worry about that right now. As soon as there's a break in the fire you're going to find Diggle and Roy behind the counter. That's more protection than this table. Do not. Wait for me. Do you understand?" 

I nodded my head, not arguing with him yet, but fulling intending to pull him with me when we made a break for it. I scanned around the shop and was relieved to see that no one seemed too injured. I couldn't find Peter or Gianna and hoped that they were okay. Well, _mostly_ okay... honest. When the shooting stopped I launched myself forward, clutching onto Oliver and half dragging him behind me. I ignored his frustrated grumbling at my blatant disregard for his ' _g_ _o on without me, save youself!'_ request. When we both dove behind the counter I knocked into Diggle who grunted. I looked up in horror, "Shit, Digs, I'm so sorry!" 

He let out a little chuckle and rubbed his side a little. "You're fine, Felicity. How did you guys manage?" He asked as the shooting started up again and we all ducked lower against the counter. Dig held his firearm up close to his face, ready to return fire at any second. 

"I'm fine. Oliver got hit in the arm," I answered, once again avoiding his frustrated gaze. "How did you guys hold up so far?" 

"Both fine," Roy answered, crouching up on his feet in a predatory stance. He slowly raised himself up and took a quick glance about the counter, out the window. "I can't tell where the shots are coming from, but they certainly aren't close. I think our best option is to either try and wait them out or find a back exit. We can't fight with without being exposed." 

Oliver grunted and looked over the counter himself. "Those bullets are coming pretty straight on. They have to be across the street somewhere. If we go out a back exit we could probably avoid them."

"Unless they're anticipating that," I interjected, "Creating an obvious threat from the front so they pigeonhole us into back exits?" All three of them turned their attention to me, giving me unreadable expressions. I felt self conscious and squirmed a little. "Did I not use that correctly?" 

Diggle let out what I thought could be a chuckle but I wasn't entirely sure. "You could be right, but I'm not sure how much of a choice we actually have." I watched as his eyes professionally scanned the shop. There weren't that many people in there to begin with, thankfully, and most of them seemed to be taking cover behind various objects. 

I stood slightly and looked at the front door. People were running out on at a time and none of them seemed to actually being fired on. "Guys," I said, crouching low again, "people are getting out the front door okay. They must have a target still inside." I let out an  _eeep_ as a bullet struck one of the coffee makers, the hot liquid shooting everywhere before pooling on the floor. "That was innocent, quality coffee, you tasteless bastards!" I called out.  Roy's hand flew to his mouth but I could still hear his chuckle. I looked out again and saw Peter and Gianna walking out of the shop. It struck me how calm and collected they were, but I pushed the thought down. Maybe they were just trying not to draw attention to themselves by panicking. Gianna glanced back and shook her head slightly before disappearing from my view. 

There was a break in the shooting again and we all took this chance to glance around again. We waiting a few moments, anticipating there to be more, but nothing happened. People started to stand up and wonder around, most dazed in shock. I looked to Oliver and saw a steady stream of blood coming from him arm. I reached out and grabbed his face in my hands, forcing his eyes to look at me. They were still clear but they were tinted with pain. I stroked my thumb over his cheekbone once before pulling my hands back and gingerly grabbing his arm. I turned to Dig but before I could say anything officer's were swarming the shop. They told everyone that the coast was clear and were starting to corral people into giving statements. I felt Oliver tense next to me and I laced his fingers with mine. 

We all stood, getting ready to do what we needed. I personally was looking for an ambulance to drop Oliver off with. If we were going to be here for a while I didn't want to wait until we got back to the foundry to patch him up. Instead of an ambulance, though I caught eyes with Quentin. 

"Smoak!" He yelled and jogged over to us. He pulled me into a quick fatherly hug before pulling back and scanning over me, "you okay, kid?" 

I smiled and nodded my head. "Perfectly fine, I promise. Oliver got hit in the arm and I kinda bulldozed Dig but other than that we're okay." 

He nodded his head and scanned around, leaning in slightly and lowering his head and voice, "Any idea who's behind this?" 

I shook my head. "I need to get back to the foundry as soon as possible and see what I can find." 

Glancing around, he straightened up and grabbed his notepad out from his belt. "Thanks for the statement, Miss Smoak," He said, loud enough for people around us to hear, "You go get medical assistance and I"ll get a more detailed report from you later." He winked at me, pretended to scribble a few things down in his notepad then moved on to someone standing nearby us.

Diggle smiled and led us out of the shop. Oliver wrapped his good arm around my waist and pulled me tightly against him. As we walked he pushed his head quickly into my neck and planed a kiss on my skin. I gave his fingers a squeeze, hoping it conveyed my thoughts, just how much I was happy he was okay, how much I loved him. I felt his lips curl into a smile as we made our way back to the foundry. 

* * *

 

I washed the blood off of my hands as Diggle finished stitching up Oliver on the medical table. I walked back over to him and his clear blue eyes held mine captive. As soon ad Digs was done I stood between his legs and wrapped my arms around his waist. He sighed before wrapping both arms tightly around me and tucking my head under his chin. I snuggled in deeper, trying to lose everything in his warmth. He kissed the top of my head and I lifted my head, pressing my lips to his in a quick kiss, but when I pulled back he dipped his head down and captured my lips with his again. 

"Guys, come on," Roy said, but his voice had a hint of teasing in it. I pulled back and turned around in Oliver's arms, but he kept my back pressed to his chest. I rolled my eyes at Roy and sent him a look and he just looked at Dig. "It's kinda like watching your parents, right?" 

Diggle laughed and shook his head. "Dude, I'd be nice. Did you see how pissed she got when they shot her coffee? ' _Tasteless Bastards_ '," He chuckled to himself, "But you also missed her training session with Nyssa. She can probably kick your ass, stitches and all, right now, man." 

I narrowed my eyes at them and pressed a kiss to Oliver's cheek before pulling away and sitting at my computers. "So funny, you guys." I started pulling up street camera's on the coffee shop and plugged in a few of the images to a program that would tell me the angle of the shots. "Here, you guys." They all gathered behind me and hunched in to look at my screen. "According to this the shots probably came from the building directly across from the shop. Fifteenth floor." 

"A.R.G.U.S.?" Digg asked, nodding his head to my computer, noting the program.  

"FBI," I replied, "I've been favoring them lately, I should probably switch it up so the other branches of the government don't feel neglected." Oliver let out a short chuckle and I smiled. I tried to hack into the security feeds but had no luck. "Security has been offline since... yesterday, it looks like. There's no way I can see from here."  

"Alright, Roy, suit up. We'll go check it out." Oliver said, walking over to the case where his suit is kept. Roy nodded, walking over to his as well. I stood up and walked over to the duffle bag I kept with my training clothes in it and started making my way to the bathroom to change as well. "Where are you going, Felicity?" 

I turned around to face Oliver. "To change and come with you guys." 

"No," he said, carefully. "You're not." 

Roy and Diggle exchanged glances and not so subtly backed up a few steps. I squared my shoulders and tilted my head, trying my very best to keep my emotions in check. He always did this. Always pushed me away. I understood that he was afraid of losing me again, but it was getting old fast. "And why not?" 

"Because, Felicity, there are a lot of reasons. Just not tonight. Not yet." 

"Oliver, did you forget that I'm trained now?" I asked, a little too much bite in my words, but damnit I could do this. "Seven months of training should not go to waste." 

He huffed out a breath and started rubbing his index finger and thumb together, clearly frustrated. "Felicity, you don't even have a suit yet. There's no way you can conceal your identity. If we take you with us now, with the place no doubt crawling with cops, it's much too dangerous for you to expose yourself." 

The fight drained out of me. He said I didn't have a suit ' _yet_ '. Could it possibly be that Oliver Queen was going to come out of the stone ages and was eventually going to let me come out with him? I looked at him for a few more minutes and saw the fear laced in his eyes. It was so hard for me to see that in him so often. Before the island I can't remember a time when he was so blatantly afraid. And while I knew that I could handle myself out there, he was right. I didn't have a disguise and I wasn't even my best physically right now. There was no need to push him. I nodded my head, walking back over and dropping my duffle bag.

He reached up and cupped my face in his hands and pressed his lips to my forehead. They lingered there for a long moment before he rested his forehead where his lips just were. "I know you want to get out there, and I know you're capable of going out there. I know you're strong in  _every_ sense of the word, Felicity," He pulled back and looked into my eyes letting out a huff of breath. He looked down and the strain was evident on his face, "but I wasn't strong enough to save you last time. And that scares me. It's not you I don't trust, right now, Felicity, it's myself. So  _please,_ " he pressed a quick kiss to my lips, "give me a little more time." 

I nodded my head, resting my hands gently on his wrists, not wanted to tug too much on his injured arm. "Okay. But be safe. Don't take any stupid risks. I'll monitor from what street cameras I can pull. And be quick about it, we have to get home to feed Baby. And I'm pretty hungry myself." 

"Wait a minute," Roy interrupted, and we both turned to meet the confused looks of Diggle and Roy, "Were we in like a nine month coma and someone forgot to tell us or something? Did you just say you had to get home to feed  _the baby?_ " His voice was at a pitch that practically only dogs could hear. 

"No, no!" I said, my cheeks flushing a deep red. "Gracious, Roy. I said 'Baby' which is the name of the Dog that Oliver adopted." 

Understanding quickly fell over Diggle's face. "Ahh, I see you kept the name." 

Oliver nodded, "Felicity got final call," he turned back to me and gave me one last kiss before going towards his suit again, "we'll be fast, we promise. Come on, Roy." 

It took a moment of Roy glancing back and for between the two of us before we moved for his suit. The two of them got changed and left, leaving Diggle and I sitting at my babies-actual babies, not fracking fake babies that Roy's overreactive mind made up- and watching our boys on my screens. I kept an eye on them, but they really didn't need my assistance on this. Diggle was looking at the screens with a far-away look on his face. "Penny for your thoughts?" 

 He chuckled and shook his head slightly, before turning to look at me. And when I say he looked  _at_ me, what I really meant he looked  _into_ me. I felt like a bug under a microscope. "Felicity, we're honest with each other, right?" I cringed slightly and looked away for a moment before forcing my eyes back to him. A small nod of my head was the only motion I seemed to be able to make. He noticed that and raised his eyebrows before sighing and shaking his head again. "Everything just seems so... off. I mean we get back and someone left a note in your apartment, your computers get hacked and now your favorite coffee shop just happens to get shot up with you  _inside_ of it. And here you are, sitting in front of my completely collected and calm and...  _unsurprised_." He placed his hand on top of mine, "What aren't you telling me?" 

I swallowed, trying to regain control of my emotions, of my fear. "It could have call been coincidence," I whispered, lucky that any sound came out at all. 

He shook his head, no humor in his eyes and tightened his grip on my hand, "That may work on Oliver with his whole 'everything I touch dies' mentality, but it won't work on me, and I sure as hell know you better than that. Felicity, I know that you must have gone through hell. I saw the marks, I saw the scars. And I know for sure there are a ton more that I can't see, mental ones, emotional ones. But sweetie," He grabbed my hand in both of his, holding it in a comforting grip, "you're family to me. And that means that I'm here for you anytime, anywhere no matter the circumstances. You don't have to hide from me, because no matter what happens to you, you will always be our Felicity." 

I felt the tears streaking down my cheeks, but made no move to wipe them off. I just stared at the man in front of me who has already helped me through so much more than I ever thought I deserved. "I don't really feel like your Felicity anymore. I killed people Digs," I looked down, not able to look into his eyes. "like, a lot of people. I had to fight and I'm all muscly now and it scares me to no end how I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself." 

"Hey,"  he cooed, "I see you, Felicity Smoak. You're our smart girl, our strong girl. I'm sure that you had to kill people. And I'm sure it was terrible, but you did what you had to do to survive. To come back to us. And let me tell you, we were  _lost_ without you. You are different now, but we all are. Everyone changes. And we don't love you any less than we did before. I swear to you, Felicity, we will always love you. You're just a newer version of our favorite girl." I pulled him into a hug and he wrapped his giant arms around me. Being at a loss of words, I didn't even try. "Now please, what are you not telling me?" 

I pulled back and sighed, taking a few deep breathes before spilling everything. The analysis results, my father coming to me, looking up his mobsters,and him breaking into my apartment and everything else I could think of. At some point I had to stop looking at Diggle's ever hardening expression just to keep myself going. When I was done he stayed quiet for a while. "It's not that I didn't want to tell you, John," I said, reversing the roles and grabbing his massive hand in both my smaller ones, "it's that I thought if you guys knew you would go after him and then he'd find out about you. But since he sent that virus to my computer he clearly already knows about you. I just wanted to keep you out of it so you would be safe." 

"I get that, Felicity, but Oliver isn't going to see it that way. You need to tell him about this, he needs to know. We need to start narrowing down the search on them, and making sure you're safe- and before you say it I  _know_ you can take care of yourself but until we know what your father wants, we don't know what to expect. Besides, everyone needs backup once in a while."

I opened my mouth to answered him, but Oliver came through on my comms and interrupted me.  _"Felicity, We found the room they shot from. Our shooter was pretty good, cut out a hole in the window just big enough for the barrel. The place is spotless, but we found his calling card."_  

I quickly un-muted my end of the comms. "What was it?" I asked, holding a finger up to Dig, silently promising to explain it to him.

_"It's a playing card with the Cheshire cat on it. I think our shooter is linked to the virus on your computer."_

I sighed, closing my eyes and pinching my nose. "Of course he is," I huffed before telling Digs what they found. "Don't touch it without gloves on. Bring the card back here and I'll send it over to Barry in the morning to see if he can pull any prints on it." 

_"Okay. We're going to head back now. How about you head home and take care of Baby. We're almost back and then I'll change and pick up dinner like I promised to hours ago. Sound like a deal?"_

I nodded my head even though he couldn't see me. "Yeah, that sounds like a deal. I'll see you at home." I closed out the comms and took it out of my ear, relaying the game plan to Diggle. He nodded his head and I gathered my things to leave, planting a kiss on his cheek and turning away. Before I climbed up the stairs his voice stopped me. 

"Tell him, Felicity." 

I looked at him for a long moment before nodding my head, "I will." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just want to say that your well wishes are incredibly sweet and insanely appreciated. This chapter feels a little shorter and I'm not completely in love with it, but with still recovering and it being the first week back at college, I don't want to make you guy wait any longer for me to get my shit together.. So I'm sorry if you hated it, and I promise to try and do better next time.


End file.
